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Spelton Academy, Chapter 1

onceuponatim3xo · 2008-01-02T19:14:29Z

So, I've been messing around with the idea for a long time - and now I've decided on how I want the plot. If you've read my other works, they are the plots before I finally decided on this plot, and you may recognize some parts of my chapters because I merged the plots all together. Thank you to everyone who critiques this! :D Spelton Academy By: Onceuponatim3xo CHAPTER 1 The old photo showed a child cradled in his mother’s arms. The mother smiled widely as the baby slept. The next showed another infant in her father’s arms and a toddler clutching his mother’s pantleg. They seemed to be traveling somewhere. I lingered by the pictures on the mantle, hoping to forget our situation by seeing the past. Although it only brought tears to my eyes. How could we leave after everyone was finally happy here in Brefant? How could they do this to us? I thought. “Kirsten, we have to go!” My father called. I sighed heavily and picked up my luggage. Everyone was outside of the house, waiting for me. My older brother glared at me for taking too long, and my mother and father seemed irritated. We quietly piled into the horse-drawn carriage and left the house for the last time. My eyes welled up once more, knowing that we would never see our old house again. How could they do this? I repeated in my head. Why? The carriage was quiet apart from my little sister, Ella, whining to my mother for attention. The ride seemed like it had taken hours until we finally had arrived at the train station. The station was bustling and I was shoved this way and that by the impatient crowd. My family and I stopped at the head of the train, for it was the only place that we could stop. There, we waited. Waited for this nightmare to happen. The smoke billowed around me as they shoveled more coal, and the shrieking whistle pained my ears. I stood indifferent to these annoyances, deep in thought of my new home. Ella tugged at my mother’s sleeve shouting “mommy, mommy! Is that a train? Where are we going?” But our mother only ignored her, and stared, as I did, into the future. Brefant had been our whole life, and to see it get ripped away from us like this… it was unbearable. My father was confident that we would like Riveroaks, the place we were moving to. His family lived there and he would be happy for the reunion. I’ve only been to Riveroaks once, but it was a very dull place from my remembering. I heaved a sigh as the train whistled one last time, and the conductor shouted “all aboard?” We quickly boarded the train and looked for our seats. The first cabin was first class and I couldn’t help but make a face. Look at them, these wealthy people. They don’t have to leave! How unfair. That day was the day that I realized how unfair life really was. It was also one of the first days that I grew bitter toward The Empire. After going through many cabins we finally found our seats. I plopped down in a chair and immediately stared out the window. I could not force myself to look at either my family or the interior of the train. My family put away their luggage and found their own seats. My mother sat next to me and asked for my attention. I hesitantly turned my head from the window and looked at her. Her eyes were concerned and upset, her usual smile was turned to a frown. “Kirsten, I understand that you don’t want to leave, but you would make it so much easier on the family if you would try to be happy. Your depression is bringing us all down, sweetheart. It’s hard to see you like this.” She said, sympathetically. “You’ll like Riveroaks, I know that you will. You’ll just have to give it a try, okay?” I nodded my head slowly and forced a smile. “I’ll try to be happier mom.” “Thank you, sweetie.” My mom said as he hugged me. “It’s cruel that The Empire has taxed us to the extremes, forcing us to move - but we should look at this as an adventure, expanding our horizons.” I nodded again, suddenly agreeing with her. I’d lived my whole life in Brefant and I realized that change would actually be very good for me. I hated The Empire for their horrible and selfish laws, but I would try to get past that and live happily in Riveroaks. I tried my best to make conversation with my family, but soon gave up. I stared out the window again, this time a little happier. We passed much farmland during the trip, and it became boring to look outside, I soon found myself nodding off to sleep. After what seemed like seconds, I was woken by my mother. The train had stopped, but the passengers seemed irritated instead of happy that the trip was over. “We’ve stopped at a detour, we’re not there yet.” My mother informed me. Five burly soldiers, with The Empire’s insignia on their uniforms came into our cabin. “We are searching for a stow-away.” The leader announced. The boy ahead of me suddenly turned his head to face the window. His dark, curly locks of hair covered his face. The soldiers came toward this boy and roughly took him from his seat. He seemed to be about my age, and as he shook his hair away, I could see his stony face, fear and anger in his eyes. I stared at him, wanting to help him, to save him from the trouble he would be in, and as I stared, our eyes locked. He looked at me helplessly and was shoved away by the soldiers, without saying a word. Everyone murmured words of confusion, and I looked at the door the soldiers and stow-away had exited through in shock. A few minutes later the train started back up again, as if nothing had just happened, and conversation grew. I felt as if I was the only one still thinking about the detour. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I hope you liked it! :D

lyrical_sunshine

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Points 1090

Reviews 241

Wed Feb 13, 2008 4:22 pm

lyrical_sunshine says... · Wed Feb 13, 2008 4:22 pm

Description, description, description! I was a little confused about the time period as well, and then when you mentioned the Empire, I assumed that it was sort of a fantasy world, but I still don't know. Describe it for us! Paint a picture in our heads with verbs and adjectives and dialogue. Explain why they're moving, who the girls are, their personalities. Your first chapter builds your world, and if we don't care about your world and your characters, we just flat out won't care. So have a clear, brilliant picture in your mind about who these people are and what they're doing, and then TELL US!

okay, that was my very enthusiastic critique.

Looking forward to more!

“We’re still here,” he says, his voice cold, his hands shaking. “We know how to be invisible, how to play dead. But at the end of the day, we are still here.” ~Dax

Teacher: "What do we do with adjectives in Spanish?"
S: "We eat them!"

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onceuponatim3xo

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Points 1807

Reviews 157

Sun Feb 17, 2008 9:06 pm

onceuponatim3xo says... · Sun Feb 17, 2008 9:06 pm

thank you sooo much (: I defintely have a lot to improve

It is better to travel well than to arrive.
-Buddha

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“And how shall I think of you?' He considered a moment and then laughed. 'Think of me with my nose in a book!”
— Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell

Spelton Academy, Chapter 1

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