Years in Wormholes

I am sorry, Mr. Worm
you are so very busy.
Eating and making wormholes
takes quite a lot of energy.

I am delicious, you would agree?
The brightest apple of the tree.

When I was young,
I didn't notice you much.
We weren't much friends then.

You pass by quickly, Mr. Worm
you even fly sometimes.

Now I am a wrinkly core,
I wave at you everyday
with a smile for an old friend.

Thank you, Mr. Worm
I would like to rest now.
I would be happy to be buried
under the shade
of my apple tree.

This was such a cute, refreshing poem! I liked it a lot. It does have it's mistakes, though. For one:

Eating and making wormholes This makes it sound like Mr. Worm is eating his wormholes as well as making them.

We weren't much friends then. The word 'much' in this phrase is just a little awkward, made more so by the fact that you also used it in the previous line.

You pass by quickly, Mr. Worm This one is too similar to time passing, and it confused me for a bit. Maybe change the wording around.


Again, I liked this one very much. This could be a really great poem!

Good work ! But there are some parts that broke the rhyming you were making it made it flow uneven.

Rjjr_vectra wrote:I am sorry, Mr. Worm

you are so very busy.

Eating and making wormholes

takes quite a lot of energy.



I am delicious, you would agree?

The brightest apple of the tree.



When I was young,

I didn't notice you much.

We weren't much friends then. (These three lines didn't flow like the beginning did.)



You pass by quickly, Mr. Worm

you even fly sometimes.



Now I am a wrinkly core,

I wave at you everyday

with a smile for an old friend. (Just like the stanza's above me it still breaks the pattern and disrupts the rhymes throughout the rest of the poem.)



Thank you, Mr. Worm

I would like to rest now.

I would be happy to be buried

under the shade of my apple tree.

Maybe you could put the last three lines in once sentence or rewrite it a bit to make more sense of it. Keep writing!