On the Run

MidnightVampire · 2007-12-12T19:24:10Z

This is my lovely story, thingy. Stubookie ( that 's what I'll call it.) Hopefully I formatted this correctly. I know that there is no last name, and I'm sorry for that. I also know that there is this one part that is a little , I don't know, its just a bit rough. I'm trying to get a chance to get more character in here. Sorry if that was your request, but at least I'm trying.Please Read and review. At around four I heard a knock on my door. It was already dark and I hoped it was my Mom or Dad who should have been done working for the king hours ago. I ran to the door, trying to hide my disappointment as I saw it was not my parents. Instead was a teenage guy standing in front of me. “Hello.” I said. “My name’s Ryder,” he said, he looked at my face “Why do you look so sad?” I thought it was odd asking questions like these, but after the queen died some people tried to look out for other people. I guess he’s just one of those people. “My parents haven’t come home after working for the King.” I said. “Oh, well, I’m sorry I’m not your parents.” His hazel eyes looked sympathetic. “Is there any reason why you wanted to come here?” I asked, “Or do you just enjoy going to random people’s houses?” “Well,” he started, “I actually need some food for my family. We’re going through some rough times.” I nodded solemnly and waved him to come in. “I almost forgot,” Ryder said, “What’s your name?” “Artimis,” I said, riffling through a few of my cabinets. “I’m sorry about your family,” I said, “Not having food 'n all. You can come over here if you need more.” I packed the food in a box I had found in the kitchen. “T-thanks,” Ryder said as he saw how much food I had put in the box, “T-thanks a lot!” “It’s nothing,” I muttered, feeling my cheeks flush with embarrassment. “It’s been a while that I’ve had this much food after I’ve been want-" Ryder stopped in mid sentence. “Wanting to," Ryder paused for a minute,"Since I've wanted to help out at home. I give most of my food to my father since my mother's gone." I felt a pang of sympathy for him. I pittyed myself because my parents were never home, but he only has his father. Why was I so selfish? "Thanks again." "I already told you, it's nothing." "No, I mean it. I'm very greatfull, you've helped out me and my mother very much."I thought his mother was dead. A terrrible thought just formed in my head. "No," I though,"Don't doubt someone like that. Your parents are just suspisious of everyone. That makes you suspicious of everyone, it's not true." I slowly felt myself belive the explanation the little voice in my head just made. Then the other voice in my head-the suspisious one- said,"Who would forget that his mother is dead? I mean, it's not like those are the kind of things that a person easily forgets." I had to admit, that voice was very persuasive, and had a very good point. Who would forget about their own mother's death? "I thought your mother was dead." I said quietly. "She is," he said quickly. "B-but you just said that she was alive. You just said,'you've helped me and my mother very much.'"By now, my voice had gone from quiet to accusing. "No. I didn't." Ryder said, his voice was insisting. "Who are you?" I asked,"And don't give me any lies. I need to know if I can trust you, I won't have any spies in my house." "Alright," Ryder said,"You've caught me. Given me no choice but to tell you. I'm wanted by the king bec-" There was a knock on the door outside. “Oh no. No, no, no. You've got to help me. Please.Please, help me.” Ryder whispered. I started walking toward the door. “Please,” I heard him say once more as I neared the door.I turned around to see Ryder’s pleading eyes. I was a sucker for eyes like those, if anyone showed me those, I’d be willing to jump off a cliff for them. “Hide,” I mouthed, before opening the door to a blue uniformed man with a King’s Police badge on it. Great. “Are you Mrs. _______?” He asked with authority. “N- no. I’m her daughter, but I could go see where sh- “ You’ll do,” he interrupted. “We have gotten a call that a strange boy talked to you. You let him in. Ma’am, your neighbors thought that he was an enemy trying to get information, since your parents have such a heigh position next to the King. Since it could be dangerous for the country, we reported it straight to the King, along with a description. It turns out that teenager is wanted. I was asked to take him to the King, and I need to get into your house.” The King’s Police officer was wrong. He wasn’t asking to get into my house, he was demanding it. “I’m sorry, officer,” I tried to muster enough braveness so my voice wouldn’t quiver, “ I don’t have a teenager other than me, myself, and I, living in my house. Why would I be harboring the King’s enemy? My family is loyal to the King. Everyone knows that. My neighbors must be mistaken,” I finished off my sentence, looking past the King’s Police officer and out into the never- ending winter’s frost. “Please miss, the teenager we’re looking for is top priority. The king truly wants this boy. You will get in no trouble if you just show us where he is. Even if you were lying.” “I’m not lying!” I practically shouted. I heard the echo of into the white haze. The police officer sighed and mumbled something inaudible. He reached for something by his belt, it may have been a gun or a dagger ,you could never tell with the king’s police. Depending on the rank of the officer there were different weapons. Some officers wern’t even important enough for a weapon. Some were helpless if they were caught by an enemy or if someone decided to spring a surprise attack. The officer pulled out a shiny pistol gun. Ryder really was important to the King. “He isn’t here!” I yelled as the officer slowly raised his gun, “Ryder’s not here. Please don’t shoot.” As the words came out of my lips, I knew it was too late. I had made a mistake, and a bad one. “Hmm. You do know him," the officer said, casually pointing his gun at my heart,"Just tell me where he is, kid." “ I don’t know what your talking about!” I almost screamed in reply, I tried to fix my mistake. “ I heard about it from a friend.” That was not on the list of answers that would get me out of being killed. I had said the wrong thing. “No one, not even some of the King’s most trusted advisers knew that the boy was wanted until a few hours ago. News doesn’t travel that fast, not even among teenagers,” the officer sneered. He shoved the barrel of the gun harder where my heart would be. His finger lingered at the trigger. “I’ll tell you where he is!” I shouted, just before he pulled the trigger. “ You’re a lucky person. Now tell me where he is!” This was bad, I didn’t know where Ryder was, and I had a gun at my heart and a demand for him. The King’s police officer quickly made sure I wasn’t caring any weapons before he shoved me roughly into my own house. “I promised I wouldn’t tell you where he is hiding. I have to honor that promise. I can, however, show you where he is.” I felt the gun against the back of my head as I walked into the living room. "That's a good girl. Now lead me to him." I thought about how King Frost had gained his power. How there used to be democracy, a thing that no longer even exists. It has become some fairy tale. A fairy tale where everyone had rights, and could choose their leader. The what happened, was it was monarch democracy. People could choose their leaders. Except everything was limited to the royal family. I was told that things wern’t bad back then. Everyone was happy. Soon, it became complete monarchy. King Frost became the ruler, and happily married Queen Frost. Everything went wrong one morning. Queen Frost requested her morning tea. King Frost said he would deliver her tea. Instead of giving it straight to Queen Frost, he put poison in it and then gave the tea to her. Queen Frost took one sip of the tea and fell to the floor dead. King Frost had become power hungry. Now King Frost is basically a dictator, anyone who questions that dies. I returned to the present and realized I was walking into the living room. I stopped. “What is it?” the King’s Police officer asked. I felt gun harder against my head. “He’s behind us,” I whispered. The officer swung around, his gun held out in front of him. His back was to me, and he was shaking. “W-where is he?” The shouted, no longer sounding filled with authority. “Where is he in here?” “He’s not in here,” I said innocently. I looked around for something to hit him with. My eyes caught a candle stick colder, I blew out all the candles.Then, I hit the officer with all of my might before he could even utter a word. The officer hit the stone wall and left consciousness. “I thought you were going to turn me in,” A voice whispered in my ear. I jumped in surprise. I spun around and saw Ryder smiling with bright hazel eyes. “Let’s go,” he said, pulling my arm “Go?” I asked, “What do you mean ‘Go?’” “You’ve got to come with me, the King will be looking for you.” I sighed, he was right. I didn't want to go, but I had no choice. Even if I just gave him food, or said hello to him, I would be interrogated, and after that locked up for life. Since I just knocked out the a King’s Police officer, I’d be killed on sight. “You’re right,” I said sadly, “I’ll go grab some food.” Before I left I heard someone behind me. . I slowly turned around, dreading what I saw. The King’s Police officer had a cruel, smug, evil smile on his face.

Lady Kyra

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 18

Tue Jan 29, 2008 1:28 pm

Lady Kyra says... · Tue Jan 29, 2008 1:28 pm

First off, don't say it sucks. This is never good. Always be positive. After all, I don't think it sucks. I actually think that the overall idea is quite good. You just need to work on the writing and grammar a bit more.

I won't bore you with grammar critiques, as you already have had them pointed out. However, try reading it backwards, one sentence at a time. This might really help you pin down grammar mistakes. Or, if grammar is not your strong suit, hand it off to a friend. That normally helps.

Keep trying! It's almost there.

"Many suffer from the incurable disease of writing, and it becomes chronic in their sick minds." —Juvenal (AD 60-130)

There's a wocket in my pocket...

Quote

MidnightVampire

Gender

Points 1190

Reviews 200

Wed Jan 30, 2008 3:19 am

MidnightVampire says... · Wed Jan 30, 2008 3:19 am

well, actually, this was for my elt class (I get to write!).... and she collects our writing and grades them. The sad part is..... I don't have mine back yet. Don't know when I'll get it back. This is one reason why I have issues editing it... and that's also why i can't type the rest of the chapter (so no, it's not a cliffhanger.) Sorry about that. But thanks, and I will edit it (but i don't have enough time now.) Thanks.

I realized that I said I'd be gone for only two weeks...but I was gone for much longer.I hope to stay on this time.

Quote

ThanatosPrinciple

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 46

Sat Feb 02, 2008 7:50 pm

ThanatosPrinciple says... · Sat Feb 02, 2008 7:50 pm

I think you should elaborate on who this KING is. It's a little unclear who your parents are, too. Besides that and telling and not showing, it's great! Very spooky at the beginning, and I liked the way you described the official's different weapons and their rankings.

With this magical drrrink I shall RULE THE WORLD! Mwhahahaha!

Quote

bella4lifevur

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 12

Sat Apr 19, 2008 4:01 am

bella4lifevur says... · Sat Apr 19, 2008 4:01 am

I felt you put work in it I saw nothing like big wrong with it. Change things if you want but I like it the way it is.

Quote

About / Info

Forums & RPG

Literary

Resources