Seedpaw's Fight

Hi Kitty! One of my problems with this piece is that you can't tell who says what in a few spots. The funny thing is, today I just finished reading: Warriors: Into The Wild.

firery

I am not sure about this, either it is not spelled correctly, or it is not a word.

Besides that one mistake, it looks pretty good! Are you writing another piece to this? (It looks interesting)

Firearris

Hey, Kitty.

Wow, a Warriors fic. I haven't read one of these in a while...and I think there's a reason why. Personally, I think Erin Hunter ruined what she had going for her with the new series. She's dry. She's out of ideas. Every single book in the New Prophecy series has the same plot--forbidden love, tyranny among the Clans, and the predictable battles with ShadowClan.

I'm sorry to say that this shows up in your writing. There is nothing original here. Not only that, but it moves too fast. And what's with the blood? It almost seemed like a comedy, the way there was suddenly blood all over.

Another thing: you're supposed to start a new paragraph whenever someone else starts talking. It makes it a lot easier to follow.

Also, most of your characters have names that start with R. Don't do that. I'll never keep them straight that way.

Why is the medicine cat named SnowPAW? Wouldn't he/she be a medicine cat apprentice? If so, you should probably say that.

Best of luck with this story. I love Warriors (or at least I used to) and I'm looking forward to where you're taking this.

Ello again Kitty!

First of all take the bold off. It's very distracting and it hurts my eyes. It is extremely short for the first chapter and their is way to much conversation going on. It does go a little to fast for my liking how one minute they were in the den then the next your main character was passed out, talking with Firestar.

The ground started spinning faster and faster ad the felt the ground get closer and closer as I fell.

I think you mean, The ground started spinning faster and faster as the ground got closer when I began to fall, other than that I like it...so...yah!

~Lulu

Interesting. I agree with some others, about how everything happens so fast. [quote]I swapped my paws out ferociously getting only fur each time.
Instead of swapped, you might want to use a different word, such as swipped or lashed. Also, you should add a comma after ferociosly. Other than that, it's pretty good. I hope you will write more.



-ClimberSquirrel

that chapter was interesting.
what show is this form?
otherwise you did well.
space

Quite a bit of action. But it all happens so suddenly, you described a 'long' fight in 3 lines. Describe the fight a bit more. Maybe;

I whipped my paws out feriously, barely hitting him(Her? Whatever, it will be a HE cat.). He almost instantly jumped toward me, tackling me to the ground. Suddenly there was a pain in my side, he bit hard as his teeth scratched my ribs. I rolled to throw him off of me and pounced, slashing him on his back as I flew over...

Or something along those lines ^_^;.

Good layout, nice idea, I always liked these kinds of stories.

Also, please say what you've changed. I read the story and reviewed. Then I read the other reviews, only to see that nothing they pointed out is in the story.