Cliched Heartbreak

Cliched Heartbreak

I thought my heart had been ripped out before,
but I think to that again now
and it seems silly,
compared to this.

To find that my loving you was all for naught
brings a new meaning to a cliched heartbreak.
But this organ lives on,
miraculously,
somehow,
beating,
the odds.

The tears I found impossible to shed
have fallen, in unreserved dispair
in a great dam(m/n)ed flood,
leaving a waterlogged look
in my eyes.

The chest ache has found permanent residence
in my cavity, and this time
I wonder if it will ever fade away
if time will heal me too.

But for me now, the term soulmates
shall be misunderstood no more.
And my splintered heart
will somehow,
always,
keep
loving
you.




Brought about by reading one of my older poems. Again, it has personal meaning if it doesn't make sense. But I happen to think that this one turned out particularly well.

Critique greatly appreciated! Especially with a new title. Haha!

~Yoyo

Hi, yoyo!

Look, normally I don't read depressing love poems, but I thought this one was really good. Some of your imagery is especially genius, especially this line:

beating,
the odds.

That's incredibly clever how you tied in a heart with "beating the odds." Good job.

There are other really wonderful pieces of imagery, but they seem scattered by the wordiness in beween. I think you should shorten this to include only the really brilliant lines--of which there are many. Your first stanza, for example, can either be deleted entirely or shortened a lot.

I love your poetry...keep writing!

This is really good! It is very powerful (as Fangala the Flying Feline had pointed out) but I also think that some parts of it are a bit wordy. Other than that, really good!

The second line in the first verse makes no sense to me. did you add a word that wasn't suppose to be there or mix words up? and i also agree with the others that it is a bit wordy and that has taken a negative part to the poem. none the less it is a good poem even with the wordiness!

Thanks for the positive reviews guys! I'm really happy with how this one turned out. And I'm really glad you didn't find this to fall under your typical "dpressing love poem" category, Fangala. Many thanks!

~Yoyo

This was sweet. The depressing love poem thing, nah. I'm not into that. But this was differnet somehow.

seemes

seems

dam(m/n)ed

damned

Apart from those two words, there didn't seem to be any mistakes. Nice job.