She's Still Waiting

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She’s Still Waiting

Suddenly I remember her—
She’s waiting fir me there,
With a smile on her face
And spiders in her hair.

All around and all over her
Are surely cakes of dust,
Thick grime and dirt as icing,
Dark brown cherries of rust.

Cobweb-laced her frock is now
It used to be so white,
Her golden locks are tangled,
Nothing about her is right.

She used to be my playmate,
My sister or child at to times;
More dear to me than crayons
Or books of silly ol’ rhymes.

Along with Kitty and Mr.Teddy,
No tea-party did she miss.
I urged my mum and never forgot
To give her a goodnight kiss.

All my secrets I let her know,
Even the ones unknown to Kitty.
She was my best friend, you see,
Silent, dainty and ever pretty.

By my bed she used to sleep,
On a lil’ cot of her own,
Now where she sleeps, I cannot guess,
She’s sad, forgotten and all alone.

In a dark dusty attic room,
Somewhere in this grim city,
She waits for the one who
Remembers her only out pity.

Polly, Betty—what was her name?
I cannot recall. Oh what shame!
Thank you dear, for all those days,
If it helps, I’m ready to take the blame…
Missing lashes and a plastic smile,
No one can feel her pain,
Abandoned for years and years,
Will she ever see me again?


* 8) *for the photograph illustrating this poem, see:
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/post270087.html#270087





Date: 12th November,2007.

**Not entirely satisfied with the title, any suggestions?
Calvin : You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
Hobbes : What mood is that?
Calvin : Last-minute panic.




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I think the title's fine! :)

What I would considerr changing is the line:

Suddenly I remember her—
She’s waiting fir me there,
With a smile on her face
And spiders in her hair.


It's too, "I am the one hiding under your stairs. Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair!" At least, to me it is. :roll:

And fir = for.

Otherwise, it was kinda nice. :)
"TV makes sense. It has logic, structure, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this. We have you." -Abed Nadir




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I'm so happy to have helped inspire you to write this ^_^

I don't know much about poetry to a critique it properly. Still, I find the poem to be very good ^_^

when reading the line mentioned by Twit, I got the exact same image.

other than that, I don't have much advice to give.

nice job! XD

oh, and by the way, the doll you photographed is really creepy O.O
when there is no room in hell, the dead will walk the earth.



If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
— Oscar Wilde