Wet Flowers

What would you say to me
If I told you I loved you?
Would you smile and kiss me
Right then and there?
Would you hold me in your arms?
Would you stroke my face and say
You loved me too?

Or would avoid my eyes and walk away?
Would you stop talking to me
And ignore my calls and tears?
Would you have the heart to say
That you couldn't love a girl like me?
So you'd leave to hide from me
And find a better girl?

Well I'm tired of wondering
Tired of having these thoughts
I want to know
I need to know

I looked around for you
All day I searched
My heart was burning to tell you
I just couldn't take it any longer

I gave up once it started to rain
And it was no longer bright
So I just walked home
To find you at my door

Your hair was drenched
And so were the flowers in your hand
I walked up to you
And looked questioningly at you

You just pushed the wet flowers at me
"Take them." You begged
"Please take them and tell me you love me."
I smiled and said "I love you."

I really liked this, it was really easy to read and the ending was great.

great job.

kim

The first part seems a bit cliched, there are so many poems and love songs of this type.

But from stanza 4, things are better. Although, I think this poem is unnecessarily long, as the main part is really in the last 4 stanzas.

Also, you haven't punctuated the poem enough. Maybe you should put something more about the wet flowers, else the title seems vague. Wet Flowers, by the way, is a grand title.

I really liked this Linds. I loved the ending it was sensitive and sweet. Something every girl wishes would happen to her. I liked it, and no I didn't find anything wrong with it. Keep writing.

-Max

I really enjoyed this. This seems like you're wanting to be with the perfect guy. The one you truely love. I really thought it was a sweet and well done poem.

Love ya,

-Rick

Too bad only those things only happen in movies and in poetry. But, I liked it anyway.

Great job! I loved this! :)

This is extremely cute!

Good job, I love it.



Oh, and I agree with Sohini, Wet Flowers is really a perfect title. Plus it caught my attention. Kudos to you.

Keep writing!

~Mateeah

I loved this poem. It was sweet, simple, and showed a great example of young love. I think the title was fabulous and the whole idea of wet flowers. I also liked the fact of not being sure and taking a risk in love.
My favorite part:

Your hair was drenched
And so were the flowers in your hand
I walked up to you
And looked questioningly at you

You just pushed the wet flowers at me
"Take them." You begged
"Please take them and tell me you love me."
I smiled and said "I love you."

Overall great job!

The first couple verses I wasn't that found of. The ending surprised me. If this person is so unsure about the other, how can the other be so close? It needs to be a bit longer to explain that. Other than those few things, I liked it.

Awesome! really enjoyed it. : D

So this is cool. In some serious need of punctuation- but I liked it nonetheless. The other responses coupled with mine show how much we cared about the speaker, because it had a believable and unwavering voice the whole way through. Just be careful about your word choices. This, for example:

Would you stroke my face and say

'Stroke' is a bit weak. How could you make it stronger, yet still sustain the gentleness of it? There's something to think about. 'Touch' would even be better in my opinion. But anyway- I liked this. It would even work great as a song, I think.

Best wishes,

Eimear

Generally, this was a great poem, there're just a few things you're missing:

Don't repeat yourself so much, it's quite distracting.

Use more vivid and descriptive words rather than short, common ones.

Don't use so many question marks, and correct the grammatical and punctuations errors. It's rather difficult to read.

All in all, 4 out of 5 stars.

Loved it!

The poem flowed so very well, and your verse was beautiful. There's relly nothing I can critique on that hasn't been mentioned my another one of your adoring fans...

Keep it up, dude!

~Lily~

hmmm.....I liked this one. In the first few verses it was kind of choppy
and didn't seem right. But the rest flowed really well. It was a well written poem, and made a lot of sense. But its sad that that kind of thing only happens in poems of movies...most of the time. This poem could even go farther Linds. You could make a story of it and you write really well.
Great job Linds.
By the way, my favorite part was the last two paragraph (like) part!