Look Inside

Chorus:
When your broken into so many pieces.
When your broken and everythings not right.
When your broken and everything is fallin' but the sky.
That's when you look inside, That's when you look inside.

This is only the chorus and I haven't come up with anything yet but maybe I will. Also this is only the third set of lyrics I've come up with that was even a little good!

Are you a songwriter?
That's cool
Well anyways, here's my review:

It's not bad for a 10 year old. If I am correct, the multiple letters are meant to symbolize a carrying-on of the sound?
That's interesting ^^
It's a little short, but you know, not all songs can have a long chorus, right?

flowerchild wrote:Chorus:
When your broooken into so many pieces.
When your broooken and everythings not right.
When your broooken and everything is fallin' but the sky.
That's when you look insiiiiiiide, That's when you look insiide.
--------------------
I underlined 'everythings' because I think it sounds a little stiff...how about saying:
When your broooken and nothing is riiight
-Or something along those lines-

Overall:
It sounds a bit stiff, but it's not bad. It really short so I cant give you a decent review, but I did the best I could and I hope you won't take my comments/advice to harshly.
All the best and keep writing,
.:Ayra:.

Sounds neat, but I'd need to read more to critique it properly. I agree with Arya about the everything-part. Not much more I can say.
If you'd like me to critique it when you have more, you can PM me.
Keep working on it
~Kalli

It's kind of hard to critic lyrics that is 4 lines short but since you said that this is the chorus then I guess it's fine. One suggestion, when you're writing lyrics you don't have to prolong the words that are meant to be sang long because it's pretty useless really. People that reads it still won't know how it must be sang. Well for the rest your chorus seems to be like a pop song. I think it's okay for a pop song but I'm not a fan of it.