I love you.

7 posts
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B r i a s a u r u s
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 28
Sat Nov 10, 2007 1:56 am
B r i a s a u r u s says... · Sat Nov 10, 2007 1:56 am
This is pretty much just about me and the guy I love.
Yea its confusing and I called him a hoe, but we call each other names so its all good.
I don't care if you think its good or bad, comment it :]
Note: I'm not good with poetry. I'm surprised I got that out.

_______________________________________________________________________



I'm so in love with you.
Wait, you did what with who?

Yes I've hurt you in the past.
Don't you think haven't hurt me back.
But I forgive and let go.
You don't, I'm ready for my next blow.

The past is the past.
When your ready, let it go.
Until then, I will still love you.
I just hope you will love me too.

All we do is fight, scream and yell.
I don't want to be living in this hell.
Yea its a long distance relationship.
But it still hurts with every word I take.

You think we wont grow old together.
I think we will last forever.

And I just want you to know.
I love you, you hoe.
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Gwenevire
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 441
Sat Nov 10, 2007 2:00 am
Gwenevire says... · Sat Nov 10, 2007 2:00 am
Its interesting.
But generally you don't call boys hoe's... That's my way of seeing things.
Good job :D

~ Gwen
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BigBadBear
Gender Male
Points 7740
Reviews 713
Sat Nov 10, 2007 2:01 am
BigBadBear says... · Sat Nov 10, 2007 2:01 am
Huh...this is interesting. I like it alot!

I didn't really notice other things like spelling at stuff. Keep it up! Good job, Bri!
Just write -- the rest of life will follow.

Would love help on this.
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Leja
Gender None specified
Points 8413
Reviews 816
Sat Nov 10, 2007 2:05 am
Leja says... · Sat Nov 10, 2007 2:05 am
Please don't preface things, especially if it's irrelevant. Now onto the poem. A few things: skip the rhyming. It's unnecessary and a tad annoying. The whole thing could probably be summed up in the first line. Which is alright, I suppose, but it doesn't do much poetically. As something to your friend, he might appreciate it because it's tied to you, but standing alone, it doesn't say much at all.
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October Girl
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 203
Sat Nov 10, 2007 2:08 am
October Girl says... · Sat Nov 10, 2007 2:08 am
Funny, I thought (other than spelling.) Creative and new.... good job.
We're meant to be one
I know we are...
If I am the Sky
Then you are my star... ™
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abbisnail
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 48
Sat Nov 10, 2007 2:43 am
abbisnail says... · Sat Nov 10, 2007 2:43 am
you obviously tried to write a good poem but i found it incredibly cliche and not well thought out. i guess if it was done really really really well, the theme could be interesting, i guess.
cross the wall? nobody crosses the wall!
-stardust
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Kim
Gender Female
Points 890
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Sat Nov 10, 2007 4:57 am
Kim says... · Sat Nov 10, 2007 4:57 am
i thought this poem was great. i could tell your heart was writing it. honestly who cares about the format if it is written to get your feelings out. that is when you write for yourself.
great job.

kim
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7 posts


It had a perfectly round door like a porthole, painted green, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle. The door opened on to a tube-shaped hall like a tunnel: a very comfortable tunnel without smoke, with panelled walls, and floors tiled and carpeted, provided with polished chairs, and lots and lots of pegs for hats and coats—the hobbit was fond of visitors. The tunnel wound on and on, going fairly but not quite straight into the side of the hill —The Hill, as all the people for many miles round called it—and many little round doors opened out of it, first on one side and then on another.
— JRR Tolkien