Creation

The flickers would sing,
Make the harsh words dance;
To their murderous song,
Swallow their pride;
Excrete deadly sin.

This is the dawning of man.

Mmmmm.....

This is really short, and you used extreme vocabulary...but nothing passes through. This has been done thousands of times, and you don't do it much better than all the others.

Here are the lines that felt out of place and confuising:

"The flickers would sing,
Make the harsh words dance;"
This personification is good (dance, wordS), but where do the harsh words come from? I don't really understand what you mean to say here.

"Swallow their pride;"
This is also sort of confusing--is it the humans' pride to be swallowed? I like thiis line because it sounds familiar, though in this contest it's puzzling.

Overall, it was okay. It was also cliche. You did a really good job with your vocabulary and the flow, but all the rest: imagery (only "dawn" was the image here! ADD MORE! This poem needs it!), alliteration, metaphores, similies... it just needs a bit more liveliness, more color. Otherwise, it's kind of bland.

PM me if you have any questions!

you packed alot of thought with few words. i liked it, it has an impact.

kim

It's pretty good! I like how you wrote so little but said so much.

- zappy77

I thought it was pretty good, not one of your best but... I did enjoy it.

maybe if you want to you can write about something that has never been done before? Just a sugestion.

I like the words. It is word art!

hmmm.... I liked it its word art. but I can't tell you how many human evil poems I rea today. but they are true humans can be so evil.

Maybe you can write about something barely written about?
I don't know maybe?

anyways I enjoyed this