A Poem About Hatred

[pre](1)Many people feel hatred
rooting in their hearts.

(2)Some let it grow
others leave it alone.

(3)Hatred is a plant?
No, it's a weed.

(4)Yank it out
or
Cut it up.

(5)It always comes back,
ready to grow again.[/pre]

Wow...is it supposed to look like that? Makes it a tad bit confusing to read. Interesting poem though.

author13 wrote:Wow...is it supposed to look like that? Makes it a tad bit confusing to read. Interesting poem though.

Yeah Xd
Hmm, I guess I should change it, it's just that without the spacing it's a bit confusing to read.
I think I'll number the stanzas XD

Its more confusing to read now....how did you get it like that?

...I haven't changed it yet? :O

This doesn't go anywhere after saying "Hatred is a weed." It's a simple simile, and you didn't really do much with it. It's not very much fun for a reader when the poet says, "This is like this," and just leaving it there.

Generally, poems that do such things are boring and unsophisticated. If you want to compare hatred or another abstract idea to an object, like a weed, do not put them in the same sentence with the word "like" or even "is" between them. Rather, present them both separately, and let your reader make the connection. People read poetry because they want to think, not because they want to be lectured to.

On the subject of the spacing, I felt it was unnecessary. Unless it's really going to add something to your poem, cut it out or risk annoying your reader.

Good luck!
-Colleen

Cade wrote:This doesn't go anywhere after saying "Hatred is a weed." It's a simple simile, and you didn't really do much with it. It's not very much fun for a reader when the poet says, "This is like this," and just leaving it there.

Generally, poems that do such things are boring and unsophisticated. If you want to compare hatred or another abstract idea to an object, like a weed, do not put them in the same sentence with the word "like" or even "is" between them. Rather, present them both separately, and let your reader make the connection. People read poetry because they want to think, not because they want to be lectured to.

On the subject of the spacing, I felt it was unnecessary. Unless it's really going to add something to your poem, cut it out or risk annoying your reader.

Good luck!
-Colleen

Reading this, I realize you do have a point :O
Hm, let me see if I can correct it, or change it a bit so it's more interesting. Thank you, I love getting constructive criticism

The consept of hatred being a weed is good, I like it. I think you need to be a bit more descriptive with that though. Not so much about how people feel it, but more what it does to people. The way it attacks and grows, and the way it never really goes away, no matter how hard you try to get rid of it. It would add more of a poetic sense to the poem, because right now it almost seems like a bunch of random lines.

MERRY WRITING!!!
~Bella~

writer_chick_13 wrote:The consept of hatred being a weed is good, I like it. I think you need to be a bit more descriptive with that though. Not so much about how people feel it, but more what it does to people. The way it attacks and grows, and the way it never really goes away, no matter how hard you try to get rid of it. It would add more of a poetic sense to the poem, because right now it almost seems like a bunch of random lines.

MERRY WRITING!!!
~Bella~

XD, to tell you the truth, it is a bunch of random lines I wrote last christmas.
I never really took the time to give it more, since I'm lazy as hell.

*no wonder I gets nothing done*

Ah, but isn't hatred more like a sword? One that you impale yourself upon and swing violently at phantasms of foes? Either way, the end result is self harm, and running the risk of looking quite silly. But if hatred is indeed a weed, then it can be watered and nurtured just like any seed within you. And if that is the case, then perhaps you could just shine more light on the flourishing garden of imagination, understanding, and compassion and leave the weeds to wither.

bent wrote:Ah, but isn't hatred more like a sword? One that you impale yourself upon and swing violently at phantasms of foes? Either way, the end result is self harm, and running the risk of looking quite silly. But if hatred is indeed a weed, then it can be watered and nurtured just like any seed within you. And if that is the case, then perhaps you could just shine more light on the flourishing garden of imagination, understanding, and compassion and leave the weeds to wither.

D: I bow down to you. *bows*