Ants

Ants
They eat our food and steal our crumbs,
They're small,tiny,and shift.
Doesn't get afraid at all those dumbs,
I could kill them with a swift!
They hunt in groups as a colony,
Such dummies they are, doesn't know what's apolgy

Those ants crawl up my feet,
and disturb me when I eat!
They disgust me,those creatures,
Oh, they make such ugly pictures!
I know I can rule them because
they are so wee,
So feeble they are, I can wash them into the sea!

eheheheheheheheeheheheheeheheheheheh this was so cute! I am goign to punch you now.... heheheha you asked why.. AHAHAHA

Okay, I like the feeling in this poem, because I can tell that ants make you upset. Maybe you could add more imagery than telling us actions.

Ants

They eat our food and steal our crumbs,

They're small,tiny,and shift. small and tiny are redundant. You could also say something else for the last part because it disrupts the poem's flow.

Don't get afraid at all those dummies,

I could kill them with in swift!

They hunt in groups, as a colony,

Such dummies they are, don't know what's apolgy . what do you mean by that last word?



Those ants crawl up my feet,

and disturb me when I eat!

They disgust me,those creatures,

Oh, they make such ugly pictures! I think you were struggling to rhyme here...

I know I can rule them,

because they are so wee,

So feeble they are, I could wash them into the sea!

Some diction errors and things. But nice idea!

Hi there. Lavvi in to review.

This a cute poem, but unfortunately, some or four lines are unfinished.

I could kill them with a swift!

With a swift what? A swift hit? Wash? Step? Hit them with a broom? Specify.

They're small,tiny,and shift.

You mean to write shiftyhere. Of course, shift rhymes with swift, but it doesn't make sense to not add the -y. Without the -y, it could mean a type of undergarment or someone moving slightly to one side or something. It doesn't make sense.

They hunt in groups as a colony,

Er, what? Either they hunt in groups or they hunt as a colony. You decide.

Doesn't get afraid at all those dumbs,

This doesn't make sense. Dumb is a descriptor, not really a noun.

And after commas, there's always a space, no matter what.

Yours,
Lavvi

Hey.
The way this poem is set up makes some parts kinda hard to understand. For example...

They're small,tiny,and shift.
Doesn't get afraid at all those dumbs,
I could kill them with a swift

I had to reread this twice to get what was going on, and even then my brain was saying, "Wait, that doesn't make sense...there's got to be a better way to put that..."
But I think it's a cute idea. Keep writing!

Haha, this sounds like an anthem I need for those pesky intruders in my kitchen.

Something I want to ask though: what is a 'dumbs'? I'm not really sure whether that was an attempt to be witty or you just had no other way to make it rhyme. Same with 'shift'.

Funny poem, anyway. XD

Thats a cute and funny poem about ants. makes perfect sense