The Room

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She sits in her kitchen. Dreaming of the day she will finaly have all she has ever wanted. Love, peace, saving, self acceptance. Will it ever come? Maybe not. Maybe tomorrow. She goesa to bed that night feeling empty. Spriitually. All. Plain empty. No food in the cabnits or even the fridge. No money. No job. Really no home at all. Just happy for a place to rest her head. She wakes the next morning feeling as though something is wrong. Looking into the pitch darkness wher early morning sunlight should be. Weird. And scary. Lights at last. She sees that she in is a deserted room. Or is it even a room? It seems to strech out for ever. The floor was completly dirt. Ground. In her pajamas and no shoes she slowly turns around. No door. No window. No way of getting out. She realizes that to get out she has to take slow cautious steps forward. Nomore going back and staying in the same place. As she has done so many times in her life. "God be with me." was all she said. And she walked forward. After a few endless miles, a peach tree was seen in the distance. She raced for it. As she got closer and closer she saw that the shortest brance was 200 feet into the air. and only one peach hung from it. Old and rooted. Ready to fall ant second. Wait or reach? Patience or get it and go? She sat there. waiting for the peach to fall. after a while she fell asleep. Under the shad of the peach tree. All though there was no sun at all. It was extremly hot in this weird of land. As the hours ticked away. Or atleast what seemed to be hours. She finaly woke up. She stood up and looked up. the peach was gone. She looked down. No peach. She felt like screaming. She didn't. Not knowing what could be in this land. She walked away feeling defeated. Hungry again. Oh well used to the feeling. A while later, she heard a sound. Stopping and lookind she found that it was another human. She stood where she was. Where they there to help? Make things worse? She didn't know. The man approached her. They spoke of how they had no clue as to getting out. She only knew that they had to go forward. He had been there for a while. Years? Months? Days? He didn't know. Days turned to weeks in that land. He had been there so long that his directions were getting mixed up. She showed him the direction. He refused to go but assured her that she was heading in the wrong direction. She kept on her trail. Told the kind man good luck and continued on her journey.
Days had passed. She was still walking. Having found that there were apple trees and orange trees and more peach trees she was full. She thought that she was happier here then anywhere else. She might have bee nwrong though. Then right as she decided that she was happy in the land, the ground split. A Hand reached up. It pulled its body out of the ground. The girl was so frightened that she ran and hid behind a tree. Not enough. A voive came from the man that had pulled out from the ground. The man looked hurt. In pain. In sorrow. He spoke to her and told her why she was where she was. He told her that this place was ment to torture her. Not by any means reward her. OR be good. She figured it out. He was Satan. He was mad. He was going to get her for not going insane. Then, the celing split. GOD. He told her that Satan put her through this and he was there to get her out. GOD instructed her to simply "go to sleep". She did as she was told. Shaking from what had just happened. When she woke she was in her bed. She prayed. Thanked GOD for getting her out of her troubled. Then as she got dressed to go find work, she recieved a phone call. Her interview had come through.She was now the secretary of a lawyers office.
Her lifed turned aroound from then on. Knowing and understanding that God will always be right there to help. Even if its not as soon as you ask for help. She knew she was blessed.




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Wow! Please separate your story! Its really hard to read!




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I agree with Gwenevire. it would be nice if you space out your writing into nice small paragraphs. You are turning off a lot of writers as It's hard on the eyes.

Many, Many, Many and Many typos. Really if you read your story again slowly you will notice them.

know what? Paste this in Word Ducument & spell check it. It should help.


The beginning, and the middle were confusing but the last bit was beautiful and everything made sense. Well most of it. Due to your bad grammar the first bit was really confusing.

I have said this to a lot of people. Read your writing aloud, slowly and it should really help. I noticed a lot problems concerning tense.

How ever I'm sure you'll note them when you read you writing over.

Again I think this piece was very beautiful. Try and summariza this and see if you can write a poem. Most of it felt like a poem to me. The more I think about it makes sense. It would do really well in poetry from.

And welcome to YWS!
If you need anything, any questions just PM me.
-icy.
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.
--Ellen DeGeneres




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your story is great, you just need to take your time while writing, or when you are done read it aloud. you will catch most of the spelling errrors your self. and break it up alittle.
once you get the grammar errors under control, you will be on your way to writing a great story.
keep going, it gets easier , this is very good, as far as the plot of your story.

kim




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as was stated above, i see alot of spelling problems. just change the format , try using word on your computer.

word will help you with the layout and the spelling.

you got your point across, well done. it is a fantastic story or poem.



“I am not worried, Harry," said Dumbledore, his voice a little stronger despite the freezing water. "I am with you.”
— Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince