Romantic-Loss
Opening Chapter from the shortest of books
[The opening]
An explosion rings out, shaking the windows throughout the entire complex; the noise goes by, smothered by the incessant sounding of the agitated alarms. Another explosion - then another, dust billows up and down hall after hall, playing host to an unspeakable power. The floating mist of plaster and concrete that was once a succession of walls flashes and glows below the influence of many panicked lights, it is a deep red, the red of a roadside sign urging traffic to stop. They too attempt to stop something, anything, everything. Working fruitlessly for this, like the shrill accompanying noise of the emergency siren, the little beacons of anxiety fail. Abruptly, the destruction stops. Hidden deep within the cover of the shrouded corridors, several people hide, while something does not. It chases, it levels, it senses, and it catches. Right now it senses, hearing every little noise, feeling for even the lightest of footsteps, peering into the nothingness. The hairs on the back of its neck stick up, its playtime. A man, wrapped head to feet in torn, burnt, and charred black shreds of clothing comes raging into sight. His eyes glow a powerful green as he screams his last words.
“Not again! Not ever again! You are mine!”
The man jumps into the air while his skin ignites into a savage nova of brilliant green flame. As he brings his foot down on his quite unsurprised foe, a hand takes him by the leg, unscathed by the rippling presence of fire; it sends him through a sealed steel door. Failure. The glow in his eyes dies away in time with the last few seconds of life within him. Standing over the dead would be hero is his unfallen foe. Dressed in a white suit and hat that have gone majestically undisturbed by kill after kill, is that demon of a being. He, unlike the rest, is no mere slightly gifted civilian, or oddity of nature. No, he is much more akin to the likes of a god. He roars down the halls at any and all that can hear him.
“Who else! Who of you pathetic few is next! You have no hope! Come to Thanos and be done!”
Children cry in the distance, many for their lost parents, many more out of a fear that knows no limits. Not only the children cry, men and women weep alike. Families have been shattered, friends cut down, lovers lost, nothing survives. Nothing but Thanos. There are those that do not cry, they fight their fear, and they act. Teams run in all directions begging those that can to stand, to work as one. And now they are ready. A bolt of lightning shoots forward from the outstretched arm of a youth, hissing as it burns the very air. The incredible snake of charge connects with a nearby siren and flows through it. Wires melt, fuse boxes burst from their places on the walls and the noise stops. A silence falls upon the building, the calm before an ensuing storm. A soft voice, the voice of an older and life wary gentleman, can be heard from anywhere around. It ducks and weaves through person to person, entering the minds of all those who would care to hear it.
“Oh, we’re coming Thanos, don’t you worry about that”…
Hi, this is just a sort of... Opening scene to a rather large story I plan on writing. I'm just after a bit of advice from some smart people on anything they can see wrong with this sample.
