.:The Wind:.

A chill of early morning summer sent a wave of pleasure through the villagers of Moonlight Valley. The warm suns glow rimed the treetops that surrounded the Valley. Its beauty lit up a young woman’s bronze face. Her icy blue eyes scanned the trees; they moved quickly with ease across the brown-bottomed oaks. They stopped suddenly a jolt of curiosity swirled through her expression. With a single swift movement she sprinted towards the forest with long elegant strides her muscular legs brought her forwards. Her red dreadlocks a sea of life behind her she flung noiselessly into a tree, without another thought she peered from behind the tree and smiled reveling elegant white teeth resembling more of a colorless thorns than teeth. She leaped from the trees into the air her arms outstretched before her. Her body let off an elegant white glow; she fell to the ground in the form of a muscular black wolf with long dark wings. Without a moments hesitation she pelted forwards her black paws a blur beneath her their repetitive gallop brook the morning’s silence. Seconds later she came into the view of a white haired woman. The wolf threw back her head and howled savagely before leaping onto the girl with a yelp of joy. The woman screeched and fell to the ground in the form of a blue feather lion with elegant spotted wings. She laughed as they rolled around playfully batting at each other with their large paws. The first to speak was the lioness “Gwenevire I told you no shifting” She growled. Before answering Gwenevire (the wolf) rolled onto her back and batted the air with her paws, “I know Liloo…But I was so tempted! You are so easy to catch!” She laughed and stood up. She trotted up the small mountain they had reached and peered down eagerly. She flicked her tail motioning for Liloo to come. “What is it Gwen?” She asked wryly before stepping forwards and looking down, a second later she looked up and smiled “Shall we?” Gwenevire asked with a devilish grin etched into her eyes. “Yes” She reared up on her back legs and they both dove downwards. Their wings pressed tightly against their flanks. Gwenevire barked with joy as Liloo let out a rawr of pleasure and they both let their wings out and they quickly veered back up into the sky. They turned their heads to each other and smiled daringly “YES!” They both yelled before diving back down towards the sea underneath them. They tucked their wings back and stretched out there paws and transformed back into humans. They took one last look at each other and hit the water with a giant splash. They resurfaced seconds later laughing hysterically. “That’s the best one yet!” Liloo screamed happily. They two girls looked at each other and took a big breath in before diving down into the ocean. The deeper they got the darker it got. Over the period that they where swimming they began to grow there wings back. They hit rock bottom both of there faces pink, “Wets wo” Gwenevire babbled. Liloo nodded enthusiastically and they bent their knees before pushing up their hands outstretched and their wings pressed tightly against their sides. They bolted through the water like white waves.
After a few flaps of their muscular wings they hit the surface they instantly sucked in as much air as possible before slowly paddling back to shore. Swimming felt like running on water. There legs where useless as where there arms. They got swept in by a large wave and lay panting on their bellies. Gwenevire was the first to rise, her muscle straining under her aching legs. “That’s nothing compared to the blood river…” She breathed “Not only is the water thick with blood in death but we would have to stay down there and search for the calling egg.” She groaned and began to walk back into the forest her body slowly morphing into her wolf form.

<<Its kinda bad...But as I said ruff! Please feel free to give tips and help!>>

OK space your writing into smaller paragraphs. It's a huge chunk right now. I usually don't mind reading it that way, but not only are my eyes really tired right now, but I can see that you haven't had many replies or reviews for your post. I think it's the way you have formatted your writing. I see that you are kind of new here. So here's a tip, you are turning down a lot of readers on YWS when they post your writing this way so please space it out!

It's hard on the eyes.

Just go on edit (click on it, it should be on the right hand corner on the top of your post) and space out your paragraphs.

Your piece seems interesting but just space everything out and then I will read it and write you a nice tasty review.

OK.

Any Questions concerning anything just PM me.


-icy

Ok, this is full of grammatical, spelling and spacing errors. I re-wrote it below so that it makes sense and has proper punctuation. The things I changed are in bold.

The chill of early morning summer sent a wave of pleasure through the villagers of Moonlight Valley. The sun's warm glow rimed the treetops that surrounded the Valley. It's beauty lit up a young woman’s bronze face.
Her icy blue eyes were fierce and proud as she fixed a hard gaze on the brown-bottomed oaks.
A jolt of curiosity swirled through her expression, and with a single swift movement she sprinted towards the forest, her muscular legs bringing her forwards with swift, elegant strides. Her red dreadlocks were a sea of life behind her as she flung noiselessly into a tree. Without another thought, she peered out through the thick canopy of branches and smiled, revealing pointed teeth like colourless thorns. She leaped from the trees into the air her arms outstretched before her. Her body let off a pearly white glow and she fell to the ground in the form of a large black wolf with long, dark feathered wings. She broke into a swift lope, her black paws a blur on the dusty, leaf-scattered ground. Seconds later she came into the view of a white haired woman. The wolf threw back her head and howled savagely before leaping onto the girl with a yelp of joy. The woman screeched and fell to the ground in the form of a blue feather lion with elegant spotted wings. She laughed as they rolled around playfully batting at each other with their large paws.
The first to speak was the lioness “Gwenevire I told you no shifting,” she growled. Before answering Gwenevire rolled onto her back and batted the air with her paws, “I know Liloo…But I was so tempted! You are so easy to catch!”
She laughed and stood up before trotting over to the edge of a steep cliff. Flicking her tail, she signaled for Liloo to follow.
“What is it Gwen?” She asked wryly before peering down. A second later, she looked back up with a smile..
“Shall we?” Gwenevire asked with a devilish grin etched into her eyes.
“Yes!”
She reared up on her back legs and they both dove downwards, their wings pressed tightly against their flanks. Gwenevire barked with joy as Liloo let out a roar of pleasure and they both let their wings out before veering quickly back towards the sky. They turned their heads to each other and smiled daringly.
“YES!” They both yelled before diving back down towards the sea underneath them. They tucked their wings back and stretched out their paws and transformed back into humans. They took one last look at each other and hit the water with a giant splash. They resurfaced seconds later laughing hysterically.
“That’s the best one yet!” Liloo screamed happily.
They two girls looked at each other and took a big breath in before diving down into the ocean. The deeper they got the darker it got. Over the period that they where swimming they began to grow their wings back. They hit rock bottom both of there faces pink, “Wets wo” Gwenevire babbled.
Liloo nodded enthusiastically and they bent their knees before pushing up their hands outstretched and their wings pressed tightly against their sides. They bolted through the water like white waves.
After a few flaps of their muscular wings they hit the surface they instantly sucked in as much air as possible before slowly paddling back to shore. Swimming felt like running on water. Their legs where useless as where their arms. They got swept in by a large wave and lay panting on their bellies. Gwenevire was the first to rise, her muscle straining under her aching legs.
“That’s nothing compared to the blood river…” She breathed “Not only is the water thick with blood in death but we would have to stay down there and search for the calling egg.”
She groaned and began to walk back into the forest her body slowly morphing into her wolf form.

I must agree with Icy on the spacing--that's probably why there isn't very many replies. If you weren't my cousin, I would have seen this and been like, "GAK!"

Your ideas are very good, but I think you need to develop them more. Unless it is a narrative, we need to hear more of her thoughts and emotions. We know she is excited when she's jumping into the ocean, but what is she thinking?

Dialogue. I didn't change that in my edit above, but I think some things could be changed.
Here are some comments:

“That’s nothing compared to the blood river…” She breathed “Not only is the water thick with blood in death but we would have to stay down there and search for the calling egg.”

Oooo-kaaaay then. Does she usually talk like that? It seems odd. I would suggest something like this:
"That was nothing compared to what the blood river will be like! Did you hear what [insert name of older apprentice here] said about it? Waters thick with blood..." she shivered, despite the heat of the sun pounding down on her skin, "and we have to stay there until we find the calling egg!"

So yeah. I also think you should describe the settings more. Don't just dump a huge description of the forest/sea/beach, but work at it subtly. Here's something I think you could improve:

After a few flaps of their muscular wings they hit the surface they instantly sucked in as much air as possible before slowly paddling back to shore. Swimming felt like running on water. Their legs where useless as where their arms. They got swept in by a large wave and lay panting on their bellies. Gwenevire was the first to rise, her muscle straining under her aching legs.

Ok, nothing wrong with this, (notice my corrections are included) but I really think you should add some imagery. Example:
After a few flaps of their muscular wings, they hit the surface and instantly sucked in as much air as they could before paddling slowly back to shore. Swimming felt like running on water. Their legs were useless, as were their arms.
They were swept up by a large wave, and they lay panting on the beach. Gwenevire felt sharp bits of rocks and seashells dig into the skin on her stomach and she squirmed uncomfortably. She rolled over and looked at the clear blue sky before rising, her muscles straining under her aching legs. The sand was hot beneath her feet and the sun glared down on her tanned shoulders.

Oh, I have so much to say on this!
K. Well, here's something else I noticed:

They tucked their wings back and stretched out there paws and transformed back into humans. They took one last look at each other and hit the water with a giant splash. They resurfaced seconds later laughing hysterically. “That’s the best one yet!” Liloo screamed happily. They two girls looked at each other and took a big breath in before diving down into the ocean. The deeper they got the darker it got. Over the period that they where swimming they began to grow there wings back. They hit rock bottom both of there faces pink, “Wets wo” Gwenevire babbled. Liloo nodded enthusiastically and they bent their knees before pushing up their hands outstretched and their wings pressed tightly against their sides. They bolted through the water like white waves.

You've inferred that she was excited, but only to some degree. I know--from personal experience--that its sometimes hard to avoid telling when you go into detail about a character's thoughts and emotions. However, I've made up some questions that may help you add some more to this:
•

I am going to continue this review tomorrow!

Thanks!
It kinda sucked but I might find a place to enter it into my story.
I will go over it and edit all my errors soon. I just don't have that time right now!

I get what you mean about "GAK" It is pure GAK! It sucks. But lets face it I was a crap writer back then and I think I might just be improving XD

Thank you so much Cuz!

I will review some of your work as soon as possible

-Yowl
Genevieve Dixie Boire
xox