On a Silver Platter

How long till the morning stars
above Central Park glimmer in snow
over the couples that want a dull
evening in the bushes?

And how much money until the
caviar would be served
on a silver platter, without the
fish eggs and the wine?

And by what means will they
sit across from each other
napkin on lap, and sit in silence
under Italian serenades to the full moon?

But of course, there are those
who only want the evening.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fell in love with Woody Allen's movies again. Ugh.

It sounds nice, but I don't really catch the meaning. I think it has something to do with some people ant all the extravagant tings in life while others are happy with it being simple.

I'm not great at interpreting poetry, mostly from bad experiences in English class, but It still looks pretty good.

You've got great sentiment here in the poem, though I'm not sure how well it is executed. I know that I was a little lost from time to time. You're utilizing a sonnet stanza format, but you're not bound by the rhyme scheme, so my advice is to add some more substance. I also don't think that rhetorical questions work so well in poetry such as this, or even poetry all together. I understand the points that you are trying to make, but you need to be able to convey it a more logical way, so that is universal for the readers. Perhaps things like adding in more declaritive stanzas rather than a body of questions might help to walk the reader through your words. It would even be better if you were to pose more indirect answers(Socratic or not) to show a contrast and to keep the reader in the right direction. You've got great ideas here and it has potential, but you'll need to modify your design, catch a breeze, and watch it fly (that was a poor kite reference, I'm sorry).

I think this could be improved. You have a lovely idea but you need some help in conveying it I think. Here's a line by line with some suggestions -

How long till the morning stars [I think this would be better as 'How long until the morning stars,' because it's smoother and flows better.]
above Central Park glimmer in snow [This line would flow better as 'of Central Park, will glimmer in the snow?']
over the couples that want a dull [Then this line could be 'Above the couples...' but I also think dull is a strange choice of word. Maybe -

How long until the morning stars,
of Central Park, will glimmer in the snow?
Above the couples who want an empty
evening in the bushes?]

And how much money until the
caviar would be served
on a silver platter, without the
fish eggs and the wine? [How could you serve the caviar without the fish eggs? They are one and the same. I can see what you're trying to say though. Perhaps -

And what will it cost before the
fish eggs will be served
upon a silver platter, without the
guise of caviar? Without the need for wine?]

And by what means will they
sit across from each other
napkin on lap, and sit in silence
under Italian serenades to the full moon? [And guess what, I have suggestions for this stanza too. Lol. Sorry about this and don't feel that you have to make any of these changes but maybe...

And in what manner will they sit,
across from the other, napkin on lap,
as they listen to Italian serenades
to the moon?]

But of course, there are those
who only want the evening. [And this might make more sense as

There are those who desire the world
and those who desire only the evening.
It is they who have the world.]

Overall, I think it's well written and with a bit of editing, it will be a fantastic poem. Good work, Gadi!

Huh? Sorry but I don't quite get it...

This is in the same vein as your later piece (which I reviewed first), Blue Manhattan. That is; a romantic portrayal of good ol' NYC.

I enjoyed this one more so then the other, because it was more focused, it didn't tend to drift, instead for the whole time the poem confined the reader at a nice romantic table for two (in central park?).
+ I enjoyed the flow of the poem, It was very soothing, very leisurely, much like (I fancy) the dinner. Keep it.
+ The content, as I've already mentioned, was well focused. It wasn't redundant, it wasn't all over the place. Keep it.

I concur with Kitty's structuring ideas. Fix the cavier snafu. One description I had a problem with; "above central park glimmer in snow". I have the image of these events occuring in the summer or fall, not the winter. Perhaps you have a different image, but I rather think central park in the summer is nicer then in the cold. So unless the stars are shining like snow, (I dunno?) then I kinda didn't like that one bit.

But otherwise, very nice sounding!

I truly suck about interpeting poetry so I was really hoping you'd explain it better. It was okay, no spelling errors or grammatical errors that I could see. You might want to think about adding a couple of stanzas or lengthing the exisiting stanzas.

I'm kind of burnt out right now, but I have to say that this poem made me stop and think. In a world of hustle and bustle, it's nice to read something that's just calm and mellow.

gadi wrote:How long till the morning stars
above Central Park glimmer in snow
over the couples that want a dull
evening in the bushes?

Second line should maybe be "above Central Park glimmer in the snow".

And how much money until the
caviar would be served
on a silver platter, without the
fish eggs and the wine?

I thought caviar was fish eggs.... that should be fixed. I like what this says, though.

And by what means will they
sit across from each other
napkin on lap, and sit in silence
under Italian serenades to the full moon?

The third line would be smoother as "napkin in lap, sitting in silence". I don't think you need the "full" in "full moon" at the end of the fourth line, because it kind of ruins the flow, but I like that image. Hm.

But of course, there are those
who only want the evening.

What a cute ending to such a good poem. Sometimes it's easier to simplify.

I really enjoyed this! I'm looking forward to more.