.:Second Nature:.

Wolf · 2007-10-27T18:30:35Z

A scream shattered the night like a pane of glass, sending glittering shards of sound spiraling off into the night. Poised cat-like by the riverbank, Ayra tensed, her muscles pulled taut as wires. Outside her bower of marsh reeds, the moon-washed plains rippled gently. But the wind carried a much more sinister message...if you had a nose strong enough to smell it. A whisper of fear brushed through her mind and she got up slowly, her expression guarded. This was what she had been waiting for. This was what she had been dreading. With steps as light as a dancers, she crossed the threshold of drying mud and entered the grasslands. Tilting her head, she inhaled deeply, letting the heady combination of smells drift into her nose... The rusty, metallic reek of blood and terror hit the roof of her mouth sharply, cutting like a blade. Alarm flared in her sea-green eyes. So it's true, she thought with a kind of savage pleasure. The mighty demon has indeed come for me. A grim smile twisted her lips and in the moonlight, her face was devastatingly beautiful; she looked like a dark goddess, vengeful and silent as the night itself. But as her keen ears caught the echoes of the fading scream, she leapt into action, flexing her legs before darting swiftly behind a holly bush. Dark eyes watched the forest with a strange expression; half pleasure, half fear. But she couldn't stop time. It was going to come for her, no matter how long she hid. The leaves rustled, and moonlight fell upon the essence of nightmares. The gleam of fangs, the sucking blackness of a dry, withered hide, and he was off, following a delicate scent trail; the scent of Ayra. She ran. She didn't know what else to do. The grass was cool and lush against her legs, the night air soft on her face. If it wasn't for the fact that she was running for her life, she would have enjoyed it. Above her, the stars twinkled coldly from the velvet stretch of the midnight sky. She raised her head to look at them, a silent plea etched on her face. A streak in the night, the demon raced after her. She felt the vibrations of it footfalls and terror settled over her like a second skin. Her heart pounded a rhythm of fear against her chest. Vaguely, she wondered who the scream had come from. Dark thoughts whispered from the edges of her mind; could it have been Guinevere? Or Zelle? Tears stung her eyes, but she blinked them back. But what a lovely night to die, she thought abstractedly, taking in everything around her; the lush fields, the azure, star-strewn sky. It was all so dear to her, how could she give it up? How could she die, when it seemed her life had just begun? Suddenly, the grass was limited. Instead of the endless silvery-green, she saw the sky ahead, and the distant outline of a mountain. Then it hit her. She was on a cliff. She wanted to slow down, to peer cautiously over the edge to see how far down she would fall, but she couldn't. She could hear the rasping breath of the demon, too close behind her. The smell of it's hate, it's bloodlust, it's bottomless appetitie for violence, was hot on her skin. Stagnant; swamping her in fear. Death snapped at her heels. There was only one thing to do. Something everyone else had done. Something she was dreading. Something she had only dreamed of. The ground disappeared suddenly; an appalling drop down to the unknown. Risking a glance, she saw the dark gleam of water, far, far below her. Too far. She wouldn't make it. A faint, pearly glow radiated from her body, like the frigid halo that surrounded the moon only on the coldest nights. Her slender form twisted, elongated, grew, until she was... A wolf. She felt the wings rather than saw them, felt the gentle whispering of feathers before the powerful updraft. The wind whiffled her lush, windswept black fur as she dove. In the moonlight, pale silver blue lines appeared on her face. She could have laughed. The demon would never catch her now! Soaring on velvet wings, she melted into the night like a smudge of mist. Far below, on the stony outcropping, the demon hissed in rage and frustration. It's eyes burned with eternal flames, scorching the very air. It was only subdued for the moment. It would be back. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >>I'm going to continue after I get some feedback on this... There is loose ends for those reading it. This is because it is only a fragment of a chapter in the novel I am writing. What do you think?>> IMPORTANT: I've gotten alot of reviews of people who don't like and/or don't understand the whole turning into a wolf thing. Just to explain things: When she turns into a wolf, she is turning into her Second nature. She is an elf, and all elves have an animal which they can transform into at will. This was her first time in her Second Nature, as you probably guessed already. And, about the demon stuff, I know that may seem vague but more will be revealed when I think of the actual beginning of the book... And, my real name is not Ayra. I just made that my screen name because I have become obssessed with my story :lol:

Wolf

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Sun Nov 25, 2007 10:12 pm

Wolf says... · Sun Nov 25, 2007 10:12 pm

Thanks

I didn't abandon this--I posted a revised edition a couple weeks ago.

everything i loved
became everything i lost.

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http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic73903.html

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SeraphTree

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Mon Nov 26, 2007 6:27 am

SeraphTree says... · Mon Nov 26, 2007 6:27 am

Ayra...!!!
I want you to be an author...!!!!

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
I'm glad you feel better

:D:D:D

"How grateful we are that the heavens are indeed open, that the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored, and that the Church is founded on the rock of revelation. We are a blessed people, with apostles and prophets upon the earth today."~ Thomas S. Monson

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Wolf

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Mon Nov 26, 2007 9:30 pm

Wolf says... · Mon Nov 26, 2007 9:30 pm

I want me to be an author too

And I want you to be an author...
Hell, I want everyone on this site to be an author! xD

everything i loved
became everything i lost.

Would you like a review?
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic73903.html

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Dark Sploosh

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Wed Nov 18, 2009 6:12 am

Dark Sploosh says... · Wed Nov 18, 2009 6:12 am

Hello again, Wolf. Taking a look at this fantasy piece, as a fragment I would say it's good overall. By it's nature it's confusing because I have no idea who Arya is or what her background is, but as that is your intention I really can't complain. I was able to follow and figure out what was going on fairly well, and it was easy to see everything in my mind. I have only two real complaints.

But what a lovely night to die, she thought abstractedly

Generally, adverbs are poor for prose by their very nature. They are devices that tell far more often than they show. They're okay every once in awhile, but in this case what irked me wasn't repeated use. Rather, abstractedly is just a terrible adverb. I'd just take it out of the whole sentence.

Secondly, I was confused by what was going on at the end. Specifically, what she turned into. At first I thought it was a werewolf or something, but then you kept talking about wings and feathers. Unless this is a wolf with wings, something is amiss here. If it is a wolf with wings, disregard this concern, I'm sure that's explained in a later chapter.

Otherwise, it's a good prologue. Next I'd like to see some backstory on what exactly is going on here.

“The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.”
– Marshal Ferdinand Foch

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TigerShaard

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Sun Nov 22, 2009 1:50 am

TigerShaard says... · Sun Nov 22, 2009 1:50 am

I really liked this, honestly i don't understand why everyone is making a big deal. It drew me in, and though it wasn't completely explained, i really enjoyed it, it made me want to read more, because i wanted to know what it was all about, why she was being chased and what she was and all.
I loved it!

I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you, amazing things will happen. - Conan O'Brien

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