The Orange Clad Girl

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Just the beginning. Not sure how it will turn out. Comment. Probably aiming for a long short story.

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The long summer day's slowly became shorter and cooler, the bright greens replaced by vibrant oranges a crimson crisp leaves. I would see children walking to school early on the cool crisp mornings. By my window with hot cup of tea I would stare down at the streets, the leaves slowly lazily floating down on the lawn. My lawn was the messiest, I would notice. I never raked it. I kind of liked the crunch under my feet as walked to my car each morning. I liked seeing the scarlet leaves scattered about.

And soon a slow transition towards winter came. The days became shorter and much colder. Snow drifted in and the merry voices of the children who passed my house would stop to have a small snowball fight before school. I would watch, standing in my place with my cup of tea at my window.

It was during the winter that I noticed a certain small girl I had never before seen pass by my house before. She was clad in a bright eye-catching orange winter jacket that was a mite too big for her. She had bulging gray backpack. I could tell it wasn't new. It was also rather plain for a child I realized. Her back pack did not contain bright cartoon character like the other girls did. Unlike the other the kids who grouped up on their way to school, she trudged alone.

I watched her closely for a few days, intrigued with curiosity. I wanted to know about her. I knew most of the kids who passed but never had I ever seen her. For days I made sure I was by my top floor window just so I could see her make her around my un-shoveled driveway. She had a smart jaunty stride and her black pony tail swished as she stepped gracefully over chunks of hardened snow. What seemed to bewilder me was her lonesome behavior. By her stride and her way of walking I could tell she had a confidant personality and was not at all a shy or reserved person. I closely inspected her everyday and every night before going to bed I would thing about her. She had taken over my peace of mind for some strange reason. And I hadn't even seen her face. Just the top of her black head and her erect shoulders. I finally made up my mind to meet her. How? I was not sure.

It started out as just another ordinary day. I woke up around 7. Got dressed, had breakfast and started a fire in my fireplace. I was in my cozy arm chair by my big bay window overlooking the street by quarter past eight.

Slowly the children started show up, walking by my house. My street was narrow but quite busy in the mornings. It was located right behind the school, so all the school traffic was right under my eyes. I did not mind it at all. Yes some old ladies down the street complained like cranky old bat they were, how noisy it would get. But me, living in my big lonely house kind of enjoyed it. People probably thought me nosy, always looking out my window to see who was up to what. I guess I kind of was nosy.

Our street was lined with cherry trees which were now all bare and heaved with snow. A small snow fight broke out between two boys and I watched with keen interest. The fight ended just as suddenly as it had started and the boys moved on. I scanned the crowd for any sign of the girl in the orange coat but did not find her. More kids walked on, the older kids partnered up with friends and the small children hand in hand with their parents. The pleasant hum of their talking and shuffling feet reached my ears and smiled in spite my worry. Where was she? Minutes ticked on and soon I heard the school bell. No sign of the girl. Maybe she was late. I stayed in my seat to watch. Tom Harrison from up the street sped by in his convertible, late for work. The garbage truck came up slowly and soon had crossed the street. I sat in my seat in a trance like state watching the cars go by.

"Ah well, she's probably sick." I realized I was getting late for work myself and got my ready.

As I opened the door to my SUV I heard a familiar trudge behind me in the snow. A sudden jolt of hope ran through me and twirled around. It was just the mailman.

"Hey there Becca."

"Morning Derik. Got anything for me?" I asked, disappointed.

"Well less see now." He shuffled through and handed me a few envelopes. Bills and a letter from my sister. I tossed them in my car. I would read them later.

I hasted towards the library where I worked. The head librarian. I was proud of my job and loved it dearly. Books were dear friends and it seemed as if librarian was the job that was handed to me by God. I adored books. Loved them like people.

"Good morning Becca. There are some books that need to check in. You're late." My fellow librarian greeted me from behind a trolled of piled books.

"Sorry Laura. The roads are just so icy. Phhewww it’s so cold." I shivered.

"Blame it on Bill. Won't turn on the heat."

"How come?"

"I don’t know. Say's its getting expensive." Luara said, wheeling the trolley towards the science fiction shelf. I got beside her and helped her shelf the books.

"Well we are a bit tight aren't we?"

"No one really seems to be into libraries these days."

"Well our fees are bit expensive."

"What do you expect this isn't a public library? We run on what we earn right here in this library. And not many people have been taking memberships lately." reckoned Laura. I nodded along with her.

The day wore on, and new troubles around the library made me forget about the girl in the orange coat. Around four I decided to go home for a bit, Janice a high School student who came after school to help us around the library offered to take my shift.

It was in my car, on the way home I saw a small orange clad girl sobbing, sitting at a bus stop. I wasn't sure if to drive on or to stop. I decided to stop.


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so what do you think?
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.
--Ellen DeGeneres




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The long summer day's slowly became shorter and cooler, the bright greens replaced by vibrant oranges a crimson crisp leaves. I would see children walking to school early on the cool crisp mornings.

"Crisp" is a great word, but that doesn't mean you should use it twice in a row :wink:

I [s]kind of[/s] liked the crunch under my feet as walked to my car each morning.

"kind of" weakens the sentence.

Snow drifted in and the merry voices of the children who passed my house would stop to have a small snowball fight before school.

I understand what you're trying to say here, but would the voices really stop in order to have a snowball fight? When I have snowball fights, it usually isn't a very quiet affair :lol:

It was during the winter that I noticed a certain small girl who I had never before seen pass by my house before.

:wink:

Her back pack did not contain bright cartoon character like the other girls' did.

Three things about this sentence.
1) Backpack is one word.
2) I don't think you're using "contain" correctly. It means to hold--from the same root as "container". For instance, I would say "her backpack contained many books" Do you know what I mean?
3) I put an apostrophe after "girl"

I wanted to know [s]about[/s] her.

:wink:

I woke up around seven o'clock, got dressed, had breakfast and started a fire in my fireplace.

Notice the changes I made.

Slowly the children started [s]show up,[/s] walking by my house.

:wink:

I realized I was getting late for work myself and got my ready.

Do you mean "got myself ready"?

"Well less see now."

I think you meant to say "Well let's see now."

I hasted towards the library where I worked.

"Hastened" not "hasted".

Around four I decided to go home for a bit, Janice a high School student who came after school to help us around the library offered to take my shift.

I suggest you change it to: "Around four o'clock, I decided to go home for a bit. Janice, a high school student who came after school to help us around the library, offered to take my shift."

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Overall, I really liked it. You captured the woman's life and mentality very well and I think it really has a lot of potential as the first chapter/section of a story. I CAN'T WAIT TO READ THE NEXT INSTALLMENT!!!!! Please let me know when you post it.

Very good job! Keep up the good work.

PM me if you have questions concerning my critique!
~Azila~



The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
— Martin Luther King, Jr.