Young Writers Society

America is the world;
Its the land of the free
and the home of the brave.

Its the land of the dreamers
And the land of the middle men
It is the power of peace.

And the teacher of answers to problems
It has the power of teaching
America has the power to control the world.

*sighs* You say that there is too much repetition. I would suggest doing something about that before posting it here, because people don't really want to read continuous repetition, much less from one person....

America the is the World
America is the world,
The land of the free,
And the home of the braves,

Why did you repeat the first line? This was really irrelevant and it erm...took away from an already boring poem. No offense meant, but it didn't appeal to me. USE SOME PERIODS!!! I would change this beginning to:

America is the world;
It's the land of the free
And the home of the brave (no s please)

America is the world,
The home of the dreamers,
The land of the middle man,
America is the world,

This was yet again repetition. I would say

America is the world.
It is the home of the dreamers
And the land of the middle men. (not man)

America is the world,
The power of peace,
The teacher of problems,
America is the world,

Again, boring repetition. Get rid of it.

America is the world.
It is the power of peace
And the teacher of answers (notice the extra word) to problems.

America is the world,
The power of teaching,
The one true power,
One nation under God,

America is the world.
It has the power of teaching.

I hate the next two lines and don't even want to change them.

America is the world,
America is a teacher,
America is the world,
America takes the blame,

America, America, America...Get over it Again, I dislike it, so no real suggestions except to get rid of it.

America is the world,
The pride of the fallen,
America is the world.

It's a horrible ending.

My next suggestion is to seperate it into stanzas. It is long, tiresome and boring. At least seperate this into stanzas. I would do three line stanzas. Also, your form is horrendous. This is one big run on sentence. This supposed poem is one sentence with ninety- two words. Do you understand that???? You had a ninety-two word sentence with nothing that we didn't already know. This was boring, it didn't bring any emotions to me and it was just bad...I am sorry for the harshness, but that's life. Keep writing:)[/quote]

I would be constructively critical, but I dislike it because I hate the subject matter. So I can't give you anything useful on this sorry. It's not a bad technique though, I just don't like the cointext.

Um. False.
What Midnight said.

i thought that you're poem was very nice and also you repeated yourself alot no afence

This was a decent poem. I'm not an expert at poetry, however, so don't quote me on the things I say!

The main point of your poem was pretty straight-forward. That america is the world. I do agree that america is wonderful, also. But, I do think that you might need to add some depth to your poem. You are so concentrated on giving your idea of america is great that you forget to use imagery and other things that make the poem whole.

My advise would be too add some cool imagery and things so that you aren't coming right out and saying your opinion. I would opt for going for the subtle approach!

Overall, this was good. I liked it! But, you could do a few small things to make it better!

Good luck and Keep Writing!

(oh, and i answered your question about if i lived in st.paul. my answer is in my blog!)

It was good. I don't think America isn't that great, but the poem was okay.

decent poem, was absolutely not true, (no offense) but i think you need to come out of your little box and take a look at the world around you. that sounds dreadfully rude, sorry.

Please do not swear in reviews. Thanks, BB

Fine, God


p.s. i apologize for the rude comment, so i will explain myself, yes?

america is very quickly losing its "world power" status, it is unlikely that it will ever come out of this. The government is orrupt, the economy is gone to screte. i dislike the reference to "peace" for this nation has been in too many wars lately to claim that. even when we had no business being there.

my apologies again.

Sorry, but because of my political views, I dislike this poem greatly. How can the USA be great with an idiot in office?

True, but every country as it's ups and downs. That doesn't mean the country isn't less great.

Lol.

Personally I dislike the subject matter, because the Yank-country isn't the best, and to say so, is... very American. ^_^

And the teacher of answers to problems
It has the power of teaching
America has the power to control the world.

The repetition of "teacher" - "teaching" here doesn't work. "Power of teaching" sounds weird.


It might be good to add in a stanza that says that you think America is the whole world - to you. Because saying it is the whole world, like a fact, isn't going to make you desperately popular. ^_~

Okay, but when other countries get into trouble who do they usually run to? I think America......