Young Writers Society


Second chance

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NOTE: My school assignment...second choice. If you have time, you coudl also look at the first one and say which one you like better! But it's okay if you don't want to.
NOTE #2: Statements in parenthesis are stage directions.

Nobody beats the 11-10


(Lizzy is standing behind the Starbucks counter, tapping a rhymth with her fingernails. She heaves a great sigh and glances at her wrist, rolling her eyes.)

Lizzy: This is so boring. I can't believe I have to be here until ten o'clock tomorrow morning. (she sighs again) Who drinks coffee at eleven o'clock at night?

(Lizzy tries to amuse herself by humming and tapping on the counter, drawing with a pen on her hand, and pouring herself a cup of coffee. She looks up as the door opens suddenly and three young men enter. They are dressed in black sweatshirts, and their hands are deep in the front pockets of the sweatshirts. Lizzy shifts from foot to foot nervously, eyeing them suspiciously.)

Lizzy: Good evening. How can I help you?

Jasper: Hey, there, pretty lady.

Lizzy: (sharply) don't talk to me like that!

Jake: Now, now, be polite. We're customers!

Lizzy: Prove it by ordering and leaving.

(The three men approach the counter, exchanging sly glances.)

John: Yeah, come on, Jasper, let's just get it over with and get out of here.

Lizzy: Listen to your friend, buddy.

(Jake pulls a gun out of his pocket and points it at Lizzy. Lizzy pulls back, eyes wide, surprised.)

Jake: Give us the money in your register!

Lizzy: Oh...oh, I get it now! (she relaxes and laughs a little) It's a holdup!
Well, the register was emptied before the night shift began at eleven o'clock. Sorry, boys.

(The three men hesitate for a moment, then Jake waves the gun at her.)

Jake: Well, empty your purse, then!

Lizzy: I don't bring my purse to work. How stupid do you think I am?

John: Look, Jake, we ain't gettin' nothin' here. Let's just shoot the girl and leave.

(Lizzy pulls back again.)

Lizzy: You'd shoot an innocent unarmed woman?

Jasper: Yep, you're a witness. To the attempted robbery.

(Lizzy reaches under the counter and pulls out an enormous shotgun.)

Lizzy: What bout an innocent armed woman? (she chuckles as the men pull back.)

Jasper: How do we know you can even shoot that thing?

Lizzy: Would you take that chance?

(The three men look at each other nervously, then Jake shoves the gun back into his pocket and the three men begin to back out, casting glances back at the huge shotgun. Lizzy laughs as she watches them go, then pats her gun and puts it back under the counter. She looks at her watch, rolls her eyes and sighs, tapping the counter with her fingernails.)

Lizzy: Oh, lord, this is so boring. Who drinks coffee at eleven o'clock at night?
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~Albert Einstein




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I think this script is a lot funnier than your other one.


"Lizzy: You'd shoot an innocent unarmed woman?

Jasper: Yep, you're a witness. To the attempted robbery.

(Lizzy reaches under the counter and pulls out an enormous shotgun.)

Lizzy: What bout an innocent armed woman?"


My favorite part!




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This is marked improvement from the first skit.

The first I found a little difficult to follow, a little too predictable.
But I liked this one quite a bit because of the way you framed it. Your best move was to bookend the skit with the same line, this wrapped it up very nicely.

Only thing I was puzzled about was why three people had to hold up the store. Why not just one? or two?. It made me a bit disbelieving that they'd back down so easily.

Short and fun. Good work.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
- Robert Frost

It cost $7 million to build the Titanic, and $200 million to make a film about it.
The plastic ties on the end of shoelaces are called aglets



I know where the wall goes.
— Creed, the Office