The only one

The only one was me,
the only one you refused to see.
No matter what they said I was the only one.

I'm the only one who doesn't
breathe.
I'm the only one who doesn't
speak.
I'm the only one who cannot
sleep.

I never breathe.
I never speak.
I never sleep.

I'm young and I'm distressed.
I can't sleep, so I'm restless.
I'm the only one.

I think you have a good idea but you have to work on some stuff.

Insomniac wrote:The only one was me,
the only one you refused to see.
No matter what they said "I was the only one." You should move this down to the next line.

I'm the only one who doesn't
breathe.
I'm the only one who doesn't
speak.
I'm the only one who cannot
sleep.

I like the pattern on here and it's ok

I never breathe.
I never speak.
I never sleep.

I think you really don't need this. It repeats exactly what you just say

I'm young and I'm distressed.
I can't sleep, so I'm restless.
I'm the only one.
I like your ending, it's good

Just a couple things that might help. Good luck.

Love,
Lindsay

I like this, it is short and to the point, a little ambiguous but it doesnt take away from the meaning or from the reading - this is good ^.^

I agree with Lins on the points she made, and have an idea to add my own ^.^

Your last line "I'm the only one" -perhaps "I am the only one" would make more of a statement to end. The use of contractions is fine in the rest of your poem, but I think using the full words for the last line gives it a final punch before the end.

The change from "doesn't" to "cannot" in the second stanza was unexpected, I like it, it shows finality.

All in all, I really do like this little poem, nice work ^.^

*Hearts* Le Penguin.