Mother's China

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Those Winter Sundays
Robert Hayden, 1962

Sundays too my father got up early
and put his clothes on in the blueblack cold,
then with cracked hands that ached
from labor in the weekday weather made
banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him.

I’d wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking.
When the rooms were warm, he’d call,
and slowly I would rise and dress,
fearing the chronic angers of that house,

speaking indifferently to him,
who had driven out the cold
and polished my good shoes as well.
What did I know, what did I know
of love’s austere and lonely offices?


Mother’s China
River Dayes

From her birth on she was always joyful
and prone to much curiosity,
she explored all her world
with wide eyes seeking unknown obstacles
for amusement. Nobody stopped her.

She would throw her tea parties with her stuffed bear.
She broke Mother’s china
every now and again, but laugh,
“I clumsy I am, I broke the tea cups,”

She’d shrug it off and run out to play
with the bear who drank her tea
out of Mother’s special china.
What joy she had, what joy she had,
What ignorance led me to ignore her?
My main project until Script Frenzy is an experiment using blog posts between four characters as episodes of a common story. You can read this work as it progresses at http://knowallchronicles.blogspot.com/.




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Points 890
Reviews 31
I really enjoyed this poem! The one thing that bugged me, however, was the last line of the poem.

What ignorance led me to ignore her?

1. Who are you in this sentence? Her mother? Father? Friend? Sibling?
2. This seems so out of place...it's the only line that makes reference to yourself. It throws the reader off, which is especially horrible at the very last line.
3. "Ignorance" and "ignore" are too similar. Find another word for one or the other, it sounds a bit...strange.
4. It just makes no sense, period. The whole poem is about a girl being, well, being a girl. And suddenly your bring in an unknown character, and talk about ignoring the girl? It's just...disorientating.

I don't have any suggestions as to what to change the last sentence to, but I would suggest playing around with it a bit!

I hope I helped! <3;
Emily



"I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy..."
— Unnamed Girl from "Mean Girls"