When One Loves a Musician

Disciplined fingers
Glide over keys
Dulcet melodies
Infatuate me
Into a dopey state
Where I dare not escape
Lest the spell is broken,
And I am left here
Staring at an empty piano.

Each note touches me
More than you know.
They wrench at my heart
But still you show
Your simple talent
That has captured me.
Please, don’t go!
Keep playing the keys.


It has cool line breaks, but I can't get them to show up on the blog

Awwwwww, what a cute poem!
It's like one of those short poems I'd print out and hang in my locker lol
Keep up the good work! =)

Started out smooth with a nice usage of words, lines were short and showed flow I liked your adjectives, you described well.

To bottle it up, it was a nice read up until the last two lines, instead of putting the cherry on the cake for a nice closure it seems you put the cake on the cherry I'm afraid. I think it's the way you've put the closure you had in mind into words that kind of gave it an abrupt closure. Try finishing it off in the same way you wrote the whole poem. I got the feeling you were fed up and just wanted to end it quickly hmmm

You rhymed at some places and at some not, there wasn't a pattern , but the flow of it all covered it a bit.

It's an o-kay poem, if only you'd managed to end it differently.

Cheerios, Chandni

I liked this. I can relate, not because I'm in love with a musician, but because I have some really good friends who are amazing pianists and violinists. So I like that you wrote it in such a way that it's relatable in more than one way. That's always a plus.

Again, no real crit from me (yeah, I know, I know, I'm sooooooooo helpful ). A very enjoyable little poem.

The last two lines didn't do as much for me as the rest of the poem. Everything is so good and powerful, but then that plea seems weak in comparison to it all. It wad good though.

I had less a problem with the last two lines, instead, the last three lines of the first stanza trpped me up. I felt like those lines belonged at the actual ending of the poem. But then if you were to glue them to the ending, it wouldn't work either.
Other then that, I liked it. Points for originality, and points for the openings of the stanzas.

I think you've really got something there, but it needs a bit of revision. Good luck!

I liked the last line. Simple and direct.

Music does have a way of capturing the soul, doesn't it?

It started out flowing very well, but I felt no connection with the musician or the person in love with the musician. There really weren't strong reasons for why the musician made the person fall in love with them.

I really loved the line "Dulcet melodies." It sounded so smooth and dreamy.

I would suggest that you keep working on this one, but it was a really great base to it.

This is lovely. The first four lines were great. I think "Into a dopey state" sounded a little weak and forced. Maybe get rid of this line altogether, and then cut the word "where". I loved "staring at an empty piano". It was a very powerful and evocative image.

I think that the second stanza was weaker, and bordered on cliche. Maybe try replacing it with a stanza on how the musician looks while he plays and whether you feel able to relate to him while he's playing.

Hope this helps.
Jas

AAAAWWWWWWWWW. A very cute poem. o loved it! I can feel the emotions. And a very nice message. Really cute!!

Thanks for the critiques, dudes! I will try to find time to work on this during the week.

this is kinda beat in nature what i mean is that it express a love for art but it also feels to me like the old struggling artist walking the line between self hatred and creation, i don't if you have ever read any of the old beat work like on the road, i know its a vague similarity but the emotion is the same.

Hey! This was a very good poem, and I can't offer any critiques but

It has cool line breaks, but I can't get them to show up

You might want to go and copy & paste this out of whatever you wrote it out of and highlight it all and press 'pre'. Then it will be perfect and the line breaks will be there.

Great poem!

-Jared

This has alot of depth in this work. I like the imagry and the desription of emotions. This poem is an awesome excuse to fall in love with a musician. Great Job!!