hOld Me

hold me so gently
hold me so tight
I kept on dreaming of this dream tonight

I hear all of your thoughts
You hear all of mine
But the only thing im think of this for all time

Choras: Leave me here to die tonight
And i would be ok
This picture in my head right now
is here and here to stay
For you------
For you------
For everything you've given
For all the times you held me for now---
That's all i wanna think about

Listening to sea
Or listening to our hearts beat
Our ears at one anothers chest hoping we can see
This won't last forever
This we know is true
But forever I will always think of you

Choras:Leave me here to die tonight
And i would be ok
This picture in my head right now
is here and here to stay
For you------
For you------
For everything you've given
For all the times you held me for now---
That's all i wanna think about


Forever now.................
forever here...........
Your all I see tonight

Hey HeartsUnspoken!!

That was just very lyrical indeed I would say,I kind of liked it.

The flow of the poem was good.

You have done a good work on lyrics.

Keep it up gall!!;)

Is this a song, because if it is, you need to put it under lyrics, not lyric poetry.

I don't know. You need to work on it a bit. I couldn't get a beat in my head. The flow was all right,but not the best.

With a little more work, I think it can become a good song/poem.

This was ok, just you need to read over your work and fix all your grammar mistakes. It's not too nice on the eyes when it's got so many errors.


Other then that, it was pretty nice.

The chorus is beautiful, but the rest needs a little work. Don't get me wrong--I love this! But I think you should either correct the capitalization or put the whole thing in lower-case. (Personally, I'd pick lower case, just because that's cool. )

Also, you rhyme scheme is a little choppy, and the last line of the second verse is like WHAAA?

Great job. I look forward to reading more.

Well, I had a hard time finding a beat, too. All in all, I really liked the verses. They were very sweet. The chorus, on the other hand, was a good idea that needs some work. It's the flow in the chorus that's really off, but the flow in the verses is fantastic. Keep working on it!