I'm With Mother

Mother died
Protecting me
You became sad, angry
You became a drunk.

You kicked me
You punched me
You hurt me in everyway.

You yelled at me
You screamed at me
You blamed me.

You said I caused your pain
So you cause mine.

At first I cried
Protected myself
As the punches and kicks
Hit me.

Then I took it
No emotion on my face
As you punched me harder
To make me scream.

Now I smile
For I am free
You can’t beat me.

I’m with Mother.

Wow! That's really good. I don't understand about the mother's death. Is it because of the father, and he killed both of them? But if it was him, I thought he became a drunk and violent after the mother died.

It's good because what the poem deals with is very sad, but you read this and smile because it's sweet and sort of happy.

The last few lines were really nice.

This was excellent!
Well done!
The way describe her pain and how she stood up in the end and...
Akhvzl I love this.

At first I cried
Protected myself
As the punches and kicks
Hit me.

Then I took it
No emotion on my face
As you punched me harder
To make me scream.

Now I smile
For I am free
You can’t beat me.

I’m with Mother.

This was perfect. Damn woman, you are good.

Beautiful. Just beautiful. It's sad, but at the end, you can't help but feel happy for the child.

Awwwww... i feel like I am going to cry.. That was a perfect poem in every way. The ending made me feel happy, but yet sad. Great job!


bigbadbear

Hmmmmm.... impressive indeed.Keep up the good work!!

Very good, Lee. The overall rhythm was a bit choppy. There wasn't any real structure but you did, however, break off at the right times. The content was definitely awesome. Keep it up. Try to find a good rhythm to match the beautiful words.

~Lupe

I really liked this. It was very sad and emotional.

At first I cried
Protected myself
As the punches and kicks
Hit me.

Then I took it
No emotion on my face
As you punched me harder
To make me scream.

Now I smile
For I am free
You can’t beat me.

I’m with Mother.

Right here, I love how you say how she toughens up after she's been beaten on and that she goes from miserable to happy from her father beating on her. (Only guessing it's a girl)

All in all, good job.


Lots O' Luv,
Lindsay

nice one i agree with everyone else... you rock lol.
this was just wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This doesn't do much for me; it only gives a recap of what's happened, and hasn't presented them in much else than a timeline. It's "you did this" "you did that" and "I was sad, but I'm better, so there" It seems like there's nothing behind it, nothing driving these ideas, so it ultimately makes me think it's empty. Think about what you're trying to say, what you want to get across, and rethink all of the words, if they're really chosen as carefully as they should be.

It's kind of depressing but not really in an emo way. It was all right though.