Giant Wolves/Elements Ch.3 part2

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Continuation...

Nami knew that arguing would only make things worse so she followed without resisting him. All the house servants watched with curiosity as he pulled her up to the house, through the living room, up the stairs, through the hallways and into her room. He released his grip and threw her into the room before slamming it shut.

Nami stared at the shut door while massaging her sore wrist. She turned around and went to her bed. She sat down and pondered her options. If she packed her things together she could make a run for the door, but it could be possible that her father had positioned some of his men at the door to catch her if she tries to run out. Her other option was going through the kitchen for there was a back door there, but her father might’ve already thought of that. Another option would be to go to the basement for there was a hatch which she could escape through. She doubted her father knew about it for it was hardly ever used and was covered with vines and leaves. The basement was where all the wine was kept and so only maids went down there to retrieve them. Nami had gone down there often as a small child when she wanted to find a quiet place to play. The last option was the secret door she had asked to be created behind her bed. That was how she had sneaked out multiple times and her father had never found out. It was small but manageable and she would have to crouch the whole way.

So it was decided to go through her childhood doorway. She got up and went to her wardrobe. She dug for a bag which was large enough to hold a couple clothes articles and when she found it she pulled it out, and at the same time unearthing lots of rubbish which was carpeting the ground. Nami saw with surprise many things which she had completely forgotten about, old cards which she had received as a child, worn out small shoes, a couple books, an unused writing diary, a box of empty glass vials which she had had asked for when the contents of what they contained were used so she could use it to contain some of her own small things. Other things included a small leather pouch and beaded dagger.

The glitter of the stones caught her eyes and she shifted through her things to find it. When she finally got a hold of it she recognized it with joy that this was a present her mother had left her. She had lost it when she was very young and had thought that perhaps she had lost it in another city she had gone to as a child but here it was, hidden in layers and layers of her own old things. She took the dagger out of its beaded case and realized that it hadn’t even dulled the slightest bit. The blade of the dagger was about the length of her hand and the edges were still as sharp as they were when she had first had it and the handle was still bright and not the slightest bit tainted although the blade had become a bit dusty, but that could be fixed.

She tossed the dagger into her bag along with the glass vials. She didn’t know whether the glass vials would ever come in handy but she brought it just incase for the glass was light and thin and would not become a burden. She also added the unused diary. Then after shoving all the things back unto the floor of her wardrobe she sifted through her clothes to see which ones she should bring. There was a lot to choose from but not many suited for the task. She was able to choose some simple tops with no design to them whatsoever and also a worn out one which she decided to cut the sleeves off of. For pants she decided to bring a couple pair of tights alongside with simple leggings. Along with those she managed to shove in a light blanket which she was reluctant to leave behind.

Suddenly she heard the doorknob turn. Nami was startled with fright thinking that it would be her father but let out a sigh of relief when she saw Helena walk in with a tray of food. Nami had forgotten all about food but the sight of it caused her stomach to growl. Helena looked at Nami, curious about what she was doing. She soundlessly closed the door and put the tray on her table.

“What are you doing?” She whispered to Nami as she turned towards her. She came towards her and sat down next to her. “We must whisper for your father is keeping almost every eye and ear on this door!” She said pointing to the door. “So what are you doing?” She asked again in a whisper.

“Helena. You mustn’t be worried but I am going to go away for awhile. In truth I don’t know how long.” A look of shock spread over Helena’s face.

“Where?!”

“It’s complicated. I can’t exactly tell you and I don’t know how long it will be.”

“Oh Nami!” She cried out, for the first time saying her name. “You mustn’t leave because of your father. I understand he can be harsh but you must know he--.”

“It isn’t because of him.” She said in part truth. “There are larger reasons here.”

“How will you be going?”

“On foot.”

“How far?”

“I don’t know, but it will be far.”

“Why don’t you take one of the ponies from the barn.”

“Oh I wish I could. But I can’t take care of it. And the horses here aren’t fit for long walking.”

“Well neither are you!” Helena cried.

“I will get used to it.” She stood up and closed her bag. Helena looked at the bag.

“What are you taking in there?”

“Some clothes, a dagger, a diary, glass vials, and a light blanket.”

“Dagger?! Whatever for?”

“Oh you know, cutting wood, rope, and food perhaps.”

“This isn’t a dangerous journey, is it?” She asked worriedly. Nami bit her lip.

“Truthfully, I have no idea. It could be and it could not be. I am not sure of it. But I am not going alone.” Although I don’t know how better off I am with a wolf puppy, she thought.

“Who with?”

“Oh, um just some old friend.” She muttered. Helena raised an eyebrow. “Ok, it’s not, but…”

“I understand. Oh!” she piped. “Wait here, I will be right back.” Helena shot out the door. Nami went over to the table and shoved as much food as she could manage into her mouth. Soon the door re-opened and Helena came inside holding some things.

“Here. I’ve brought you a leather flask, some dry food from the kitchen, candles, and this,” She said taking a chain from her pocket and placing it in Nami’s hand. “Its something your mother left for you. She told me not to give it to you until it was time and I think that this is the moment that your mother was talking about.” Nami looked in amazement at the small object in her hands. It was a chain necklace with a square thin metal object hanging on it. She looked closely and saw small inscriptions on it which were inscribed in such a way that the writing started from the edge and slowly circled into the center, they were not in a language which she knew, but she guessed that her mother had, and then right in the center was the picture of an eagle. Nami smiled and squeezed the necklace tightly. She thought that if she squeezed it tightly enough she would be able to feel her mother, but she felt nothing except a small tingle at her fingers, but that was probably from squeezing so hard.

“Here.” Helena took the necklace from her and unclipped it so she could put it around Nami’s neck. She lifted Nami’s hair and clipped it on. Nami smiled and gave Helena a hug.

“Thanks.” The rest of the stuff she shoved into her already full bag and pulled the laces hard to close the bag. She then went under her bed and pulled out a small chest. She unlocked it with a key she had placed under the mattress and opened it. Inside was full of coins. There had to be more than enough money to buy ten stallions along with a luxury carriage. She dug out almost half of it and put it into the leather pouch. She shoved the pouch into the very bottom of the bag and then handed the chest over to Helena.

“This is for you. I don’t know what will happen to you after I leave so if you get kicked out which I hope to the heavens wont happen, this will ensure you. And if you don’t, be sure to hide it in the safest of safest places.” Helena looked astounded at the monstrous amount of money bestowed upon her by the child she had reared since she was just a baby.

“Oh my… This is…” She was speechless and all she could do was pull Nami into the tightest hug she had ever received. Nami shouldered the bag and finally faced Helena, ready to leave.

“Wait.” The maid said with worry. “How are you going to leave the house?” Nam smiled.

“How do you think I sneaked out all those other times?” Helena looked thoughtful and then a thought occurred to her.

“Is there a place in this room that I am not aware of?” Nami nodded. She went to her bed and pushed it to the side and a door was revealed in the wall. Helena looked shocked. “How come I never knew of this? I’ve cleaned this room from corner to corner and I have never seen this!”

“It was hard but I managed to keep this a secret.” Nami opened the door before giving Helena one last hug. “I’ll miss you and hopefully we’ll meet again.” Helena gave her a light peck on the cheek and then brushed a tear away from her face.

“Bye Nami.” And then Nami crawled into the dark hole in the wall and vanished.

to be continued....
h a y o n :)

nobody is perfect. thats why pencils have erasers.
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First, break up the paragraphs. Big paragraphs prevent people from reading your work.

Nami knew that arguing would only make things worse so she followed without resisting him. All the house servants watched with curiosity as he pulled her up to the house, through the living room, up the stairs, through the hallways and into her room. He released his grip and threw her into the room before slamming it shut.

This doesn't make sense. Why would the servents be curious? This feud between parent and child seems to be a common place thing. The second part of the bold sentence (after the word 'so') isn't needed. :)

Nami stared at the shut door while massaging her sore wrist. She turned around and went to her bed. She sat down and pondered her options. If she packed her things together she could make a run for the door, but it could be possible that her father had positioned some of his men at the door to catch her if she tries to run out. Her other option was going through the kitchen for there was a back door there, but her father might’ve already thought of that. Another option would be to go to the basement for there was a hatch which she could escape through. She doubted her father knew about it for it was hardly ever used and was covered with vines and leaves. The basement was where all the wine was kept and so only maids went down there to retrieve them. Nami had gone down there often as a small child when she wanted to find a quiet place to play. The last option was the secret door she had asked to be created behind her bed. That was how she had sneaked out multiple times and her father had never found out. It was small but manageable and she would have to crouch the whole way.

As I said, break this into at least three paragraphs. This is too big.

Okay, this is a little far-fetched. Her father placing guards at her door? She's his daughter, not a criminal.

Going down to a wine cellar for a quiet place to play WOULD NOT happen. More likely in late childhood ^-^

HOW does her father not know about the secret door behind her bed?? WHO built it for her? This also seems more than a little unbelievable. It seems like her father is giving her a sort of "time out," and wouldn't keep her there forever. ^-^ Unless he's evil ^-^"
One thing I noticed, is that you are "evilizing" Nami's father. You're making every other adult like her, and not care how she's dressed. Her father is the only one disturbed by her. You should give us more about his thoughts on the whole situation. I doubt anyone would be angry all the time. It's too tiring. -.-" If his temper volatile, that would make more sense.

The glitter of the stones caught her eyes and she shifted through her things to find it. When she finally got a hold of it she recognized it with joy that this was a present her mother had left her. She had lost it when she was very young and had thought that perhaps she had lost it in another city she had gone to as a child but here it was, hidden in layers and layers of her own old things. She took the dagger out of its beaded case and realized that it hadn’t even dulled the slightest bit. The blade of the dagger was about the length of her hand and the edges were still as sharp as they were when she had first had it and the handle was still bright and not the slightest bit tainted although the blade had become a bit dusty, but that could be fixed.

Again, NO parent would give their YOUNG child a knife as a present. I suggest you change the age of Nami when she recieved it, or change the present. There's a couple of run on sentences in this paragraph.

She tossed the dagger into her bag along with the glass vials. She didn’t know whether the glass vials would ever come in handy but she brought it just incase for the glass was light and thin and would not become a burden. She also added the unused diary. Then after shoving all the things back unto the floor of her wardrobe she sifted through her clothes to see which ones she should bring. There was a lot to choose from but not many suited for the task. She was able to choose some simple tops with no design to them whatsoever and also a worn out one which she decided to cut the sleeves off of. For pants she decided to bring a couple pair of tights alongside with simple leggings. Along with those she managed to shove in a light blanket which she was reluctant to leave behind

Maybe only a couple of vials, so she can fit more important things in there. Okay, it sounds like she has little to no idea where she is going, so cutting sleeves is probably not the best idea. What if she ends up in Greenland? (just an example) Too much description in the sentences. Keep it simple :D :D :D

Okay, with her not taking a horse/pony...
First... ponies and horses are built to move, and fast. That's what they're all about. Some horses aren't as hardy as others, but some- take the Arabian- can go for days without water. In the wild, they are generally nomadic, and move all the time. :)
Second... it would be perfectly logical to take one. Her destination seems unclear, and having a fast getaway would be extremely helpful. Especially since it is likely that her father will send some guards on horsback and dogs after her :) Also..... I don't think Nami want's to lug that stuff all by herself.

Hmmmm.... a little too cliche with the "I didn't know about the secret door." bit. I think it would be more interesting if Helena showed it to Nami, but that's my opinion.

Very coolio though!!!!!! I will definitely read the next part ^o^V
"How grateful we are that the heavens are indeed open, that the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored, and that the Church is founded on the rock of revelation. We are a blessed people, with apostles and prophets upon the earth today."~ Thomas S. Monson




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Its like the times of kings and queens!!! Of course i'd understand if it had been nowadays and a parent had given their daughter a dagger, but still. its fantasy! and it all plays in with the rest of the story
h a y o n :)

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Yes, I understand that it's like kings and queens, that's why I suggested that you have it given to her in late childhood. That would make more sense, because being a younger child, she could hurt herself more easily. :D :D :D :D :D Perhaps if you tell us a specific age, because "young child" sounds too young :D :D :D :D
"How grateful we are that the heavens are indeed open, that the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored, and that the Church is founded on the rock of revelation. We are a blessed people, with apostles and prophets upon the earth today."~ Thomas S. Monson




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Got it! Thanks for being a devoted critic!!
h a y o n :)

nobody is perfect. thats why pencils have erasers.
- unknown




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NP. I was trying not to be one of those.... you know... "YOUR WORK IS GOING TO BURN!!!!!!!!!!!!" kind of critics. :D :D :D :D :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
"How grateful we are that the heavens are indeed open, that the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored, and that the Church is founded on the rock of revelation. We are a blessed people, with apostles and prophets upon the earth today."~ Thomas S. Monson



Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
— George Eliot