Paper Clip

You knew I needed it too.
A break from me and you.
We're faling apart.
I gave you my heart.

I need a paper clip, for our relationship.
There's no more we can say or do.
I'm slowly getting over you.

The moments are in the past.
Our love, memories will always last.
The time went too fast.

I need a paper clip, for our relationship.
there's no more to say or do.
Don't you know I'm already over you.

The paper clip is working and slowly but sadly I'm learning

I like the way you used a commonplace object in a poetic way. I think this would sound really good as a song.

Oh this is really nice, Max.

I do agree that this could make a really nice song if you wanted to try it out. But it's still good as is.

Keep up the good work!

Lots O' Luv,
Lindsay

This seems more like a set of song lyrics to me than a poem. It presents one thing, and sticks with that one thing for the whole song, not really developing. In fact, I think that it would be a lovely song. And as such, I like the first line, how it begins right in the middle of things.

PM me if you have any questions
-Amelia

The flow of the words was good, but I didn't like the punctuation. It messes with how the poem is read; I'd suggest using more commas instead of periods. I liked how everything rhymed (hence, it would make a good song), but for a poem, you used the same rhymes over and over again, as far as "you," "do," and "too" go.

As far as the paper clip metaphor goes, it's a superb idea, it just contradicts itself a couple of times. I don't know why you'd need a paper clip if you're trying to get over the relationship. I'd decide what route you want the poem to take: break off, or hang in. If the speaker is desiring both, make that clearer in the poem.

My last comment concerns your last line. It's a nice thought that you're learning and all, but the line is thrown out at the reader from out of nowhere. The first time I read it, I missed it altogether. I'd suggest either taking it out of the poem, or expanding on the idea.

All in all, it's a nice poem. PM me if you have any questions about my comment. Merry writing!