Ready To Die

Wrote this quite some time ago. I admit I'm not a poem writer, so treat this as my beginning. Enjoy!
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Blocked myself, I know that I did;
And who couldn't see that it was a dying bid?
"I'm sorry" is all I can say
'Cause I'm backtracking, no I won't pray.
You see these lachrymose eyes, the wretched emotions.
What's in my faith, has been lost through commotion.

You never left me, but I left You;
I say You can never see, but You do have a clue;
I want to run away, but You won't let me;
Then You lead me to Satan, why not set me free?

Back and forth, I'm sick of it;
Please let me go, bit by bit.
I find it harder to follow up than down;
Why keep me stuck here, falling to the ground?

Sorry's no cure, it's from a parrot's mouth.
I can't forgive You, Lord, where art thou?
I shout and struggle, I know it's wrong;
I don't want to go to You, it's way too long.
Yes, I'd rather go wrong than right;
Because of You I've lost the will to fight

Look down upon me, I know you can;
And you think You are so grand?
What kind of perfection, You're just a lie,
Everything's a lie whereas I cry.
I am useless, I only know to fail You,
I'll never see that what You say is true.

Oh no, my dear, so sorry again;
I'm talking my fears, they can't be slain.
Nothing can change what I've decided
And I'm sorry you'll have to live with what is fated.

I assure you, after the end
Your poor heart can't make amends;
Broken and shattered, but this I uphold:
Don't you worry, your heart will be whole.

Keep your faith, and be whole, without memories of me
Until someone arrives, hopefully replacing me, that one will be.

nice! this rocked even for a first draft. but keep at it and maybe change some words to better words.

Oh my God. I heard it! I heard this in my mind! It was a song!

Quite nice. Some of the rhyming felt a bit stiff, like the words were only there for the rhyme, like here:

Sorry's no cure, so let me go, let me go!
Let me go under before to You I blow!

Otherwise, it was kinda nice. Maybe a bit too violent?

Thanks a muchies to all of you for the comments. I didn't think I could change it much though, considering that it's my first complete poem. Plus, this was written a long time ago, last year to be exact, so I don't feel the same way anymore. Surprisingly, I found it relatively easy! And since I'm not feeling so violent anymore, I guess what I edited made it less violent. Heh. It explains the PG quite a bit, though.

Again, thanks! And tell me what you think of the 2nd draft.

Fye.

I think I liked this draft better. It flows better, and it's less "emo-teen" -ish. ^_~

You're missing some punctuation, but I have no idea how punctuation works in poetry, so...

Thanks, Twit! Appreciate it very much. *hugs* Yeah, I don't know how punctuation works either. I was wishing someone might help me! Thanks again.

Punctuation inserted. Can anyone correct me if I'm wrong, please? Thanks a lot!

Fye