The Tinfoil Hat
The stage should be as uninteresting as it can be, this play takes place in an undisclosed location , somewhere, in the universe. At down-center stage lies a tinfoil hat. One beam of light from directly above shines upon it. Around the hat are grouped 5 wearing business suits, or anything else mundane or unremarkable.
There should be only one light (on the hat) all other lights should begin a SLOW fade up. The lights should NEVER go high enough to see details.
This dialogue should be halting, There should be pauses in between questions. Lots of silence.
Person #1: How curious.
Person #2: I wonder how it got here?
Person #3: (edgy) Wh-What is it?
Person #5 reaches out a tentative hand and pokes it. The others, following the lead, reach out and touch it too.
Person #4: Its.. a hat… made of tinfoil…..
#1: A tinfoil hat.
#2 Yeah, a tinfoil hat!
#3: What does it do?
Person #5 grabs the hat and slowly… places… it… on …his… head.
Keep the hat in the light!!!!
#2: Tell us! What does it do?
Person #5 removes the hat and looks puzzled… then puts it back on.
#5: It.. .doesn’t do anything
#1: Well that would make sense…..
#3: (not listening) I’ve heard about these! People wear them when they’re afraid of being mind controlled. (The others are impressed) Yeah, and they are supposed to give you really powerful mental powers so you can….. (mysteriously) be all-seeing.
#4: I wonder why is was here then?
#1: Lying around?
#3: (Takes the hat and puts it on.) It’s mine now, I want it!
#1: Take it.
#3: (suddenly #3 is suspicious) Why did you say that?
#1: Me? Because I don’t want it.
#3: Why wouldn’t you want increased mental powers and mind control protection? (figuring it out) You want to steal it when I’m not looking!
#1: No, of course not.
#2: Why would you want to do that?
#1; I don’t!
#3 runs to #4.
#3: Can you protect me? But wait….. what if you want the hat too?
#4: I had a thought……maybe…… the hat came to us…. sounds crazy I know…but I mean: why else would it have been here? Maybe…..because we need it… we need the protections from mind control and the all seeing….. perhaps do you think we might be in danger…..?
#3: (Runs near #2) none of you are getting my hat!
#2: Maybe, we are in danger… only on way to find out! (Grabs the hat and places it on head)
#1: What does it tell you?
#3: You did want the hat! I knew it you traitor!
#2: (solemnly) We are in danger! (They all react! #3 shuts up) Yeah, I got that loud and clear…. But I don’t know from where…could be anywhere! They could come from anywhere!
#1 Who is "they"?
#2: (air of mystery) I don’t know.
#1: How do you know whoever it is, is actually coming?
#2: I just…. I get this strong feeling of peril, but not from any direction… just all around us.
#3: They’ve got us surrounded!
#4 grabs the hat
#4: Let me see if I can get more! (#4 closes eyes sits perfectly still)
#3: (Nervously) Get anymore?
#4: Yeah, it’s coming…. They want….
#2: They want?
#4: They want us! All of us! Everyone of us is marked!
#1: Marked with what?
#4: DOOM! (emphasis)(duh!)
#3 snatches the hat and puts it on and holds it down.
#3: Well if they come! I’ve got the hat again! They won’t mind control me!
#4: No give me the hat! (Tries to pry one hand off the hat)
#3: You won’t get the hat!
#2: I need it! (Prys the other off)
#1: Stop everyone! (They don’t listen)
#3: (Chanting) My hat My hat My hat My hat……
#2: Give it here!
#4: Let me!
#1: Please! Wait!
Both #2 and #4 get #3’s hands off the hat. As they struggle #5 calmly picks up the hat and puts it on his head. They struggle stops. Long pause… then:
#5: They’re close!
#3 shrieks and the others look around furtively, on their guard. They form a tight group in the center of the stage. #5 still wears the tinfoil hat.
#5: (Prophetic) They’re coming faster and faster. They want to snatch us, they need to get us. They fear the tinfoil hat. It alone can protect against their power….
#2: Stay together! Stay close!
#5: That will not help, they do not fear numbers. They can bend anyone to their will from far away, perhaps the already have….
#4: Not me! I am still here!
#2: And I.
#3: I don’t want to go!
#5: It is inevitable, we cannot resist. Only the one who wears the tinfoil hat can fight.
#2: Give me the tinfoil hat! I will defend us all!
#4: I’m stronger; I will fight them if they come, give me the hat!
#2: No, I’m smarter, give me the hat!
#3: I need it!
#2: To me!
#4: Give it here!
Back and forth arguing ad-lib until:
#5: Too late! They’re here.
Long pause. The suspense should be palpable. The actors are frozen in terror, muscles tensed, all senses on the alert. After a long time(maybe up to 15-20 seconds) #1 relaxes.
#1: Heh.
#2: Quiet!
#1: I don’t need to be quiet don’t you see?
#4: Shut up!
#1: (Loudly) [s]They’re isn’t any danger! Wake up! You’ve all been possessed, not by mysterious enemies but by that hat![/s] Look at you all, petrified with fright. But there isn’t anything to be scared of. We made it all up. Paranoia! The tinfoil hat doesn’t do anything, you just think it does! (Walks over to #5 and lifts it off his head and places it where it was at the beginning of the play.) We’ve all been on edge, not because of revelations received by that hat, but by what we think might be revelations! But they aren’t revelations, just our fears!
The others are impressed with the logic and begin to listen, but are still wary. #1 begins to preach, not just to the actors but also, partly to the audience.
#1: At the very beginning we came upon that hat. And we got a dangerous idea. We wanted to believe there was something special about that hat, but there wasn’t! It was what it looked like, an ordinary hat! But when we put it on we thought we had heightened mental powers, and we thought we were protected from mind control. But of course, it wasn’t true. But because we convinced ourselves of it’s authenticity, we convinced ourselves that it was working. And we got paranoid and scared.
The actors are agreeing now, this is true! What fools they were!
#1: (#1 is now blatantly speaking to the audience, this is the big moral, this is what the author wants the audience to take home from the show. #1 walks to stage left and speaks to the audience there, #1 then starts moving to stage right slowly, as she addresses the audience, finally stopping at the stage right curtain) [s]It’s like a placebo in medicine, we think it will work, so it does. It’s like how we sometimes see only what we want to see, and hear only what we want to hear! [/s]We all want to believe there might be something else to this world and so we create and invent. But when that spills over into reality, things get muddled. [s]With a tinfoil hat we become paranoid and suspicious.[/s] We as humans feel that-
When #1 says “We as humans feel that-“ she is standing next the stage right wings and is talking to the audience. Suddenly a gloved hand clovers #1’s mouth and another gloved hand grabs #1’s waist and both yank #1 offstage. This should be lightning fast. There is no scream or flailing arms, it happens so fast in one second #1 is delivering the most important monologue of the show and the next she is gone. Blah-Blah-Blah-Blah-Bla-silence.
Nobody speaks, the actors back slowly into a group center-stage again. the lights fade and the one spotlight on the hat goes on again. #5 takes the hat from its place and puts it on again. Blackout.
Fin.
This was by far the best script I've read on here.
