I close my eyes to see,
To put a little extra,
Into the ordinary,
To see a spark of fariy dust,
On my Spanish test,
Or to see dragons in the sky,
Or mermaids in the sea,
I shut my eyes to see,
What about you?
*I shut my eyes in order to see.~ Paul Gauguin
*Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. ~Josh Billings
*Let's trade. A hug from me. A kiss from you. ~Bethany German (my friend)
Well, I didn't like the flow of this poem as it was very clunky and it seemed strained in some plaes, but that is my only complaint I believe. The imagery was really nice to read and I like how it was mystical and fantasy like. The concept behind it was also enjoyable and I interpretted it to be associated with the little lights people sometimes see when they close their eyes.
The idea was definitely a very, mystical one and had a lot of nice imagery- however, I don't much like the way it was written as far as each line being with a capital letter and ending with a comma- you don't have to do poetry like that, in fact I think for every poem I've ever seen, this one included, you could do a lot mor eif you didn't capitilize each line and end with a comma. Oh yeah, and you had a wee bit of typo with "fairy"...Other than that, this definitely has some wonderful potential to it!
The idea was definitely a very, mystical one and had a lot of nice imagery- however, I don't much like the way it was written as far as each line being with a capital letter and ending with a comma- you don't have to do poetry like that, in fact I think for every poem I've ever seen, this one included, you could do a lot mor eif you didn't capitilize each line and end with a comma. Oh yeah, and you had a wee bit of typo with "fairy"...Other than that, this definitely has some wonderful potential to it!
COOL I HAVE REPLIES!!!!!!!!!
thanks for the comments and constructive critisim.
as for the spots behind your eyes thing i never even thought of it that way and if you look at many of my future works you are going to see typos no doubt But thats just me
*I shut my eyes in order to see.~ Paul Gauguin
*Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. ~Josh Billings
*Let's trade. A hug from me. A kiss from you. ~Bethany German (my friend)
I liked this poem and think it has a lot of potential. One of the problems I for see is that you use the word "see" too many times. Try mixing it up, with words like "envision" or "view" or something like that. I also wouldn't put a comma after "extra" in the second line.
Happy writing!
My main project until Script Frenzy is an experiment using blog posts between four characters as episodes of a common story. You can read this work as it progresses at http://knowallchronicles.blogspot.com/.