Young Writers Society

MIA – Missing in Action.

(Verse 1)

I’m living life, day to day without you.
Not knowing whether not you’re okay.
I know I should know how your life is,
I know I should know if your in pain.

(Verse 2)

How are your friends and your family?
I really should know, and I’m ashamed.
I swore to be with you when you were happy,
I swore to hold your hand if you were lamed.

But I don’t, no –
And that needs to change!

(Chorus)

Cause I’m M I A!
I haven’t been there for you lately
So ashamed!
I called myself your friend.
You yelled my name
And I faded into the distance.
When you needed me, I was MIA.

(Verse 3)

Remember the time when we were younger?
And we got along so well as we played?
But as we grew up, I grew colder,
And when you needed me I walked away.

I regret my choice
Won’t you forgive me?

(Chorus 1x, then bridge)

(Bridge)

I used you, abused you,
When I turned my back on you.
So hear me, I’m sorry,
I wish I could change the past,
And make our friendship last…

(Outro)

But I was M. I. A.

I was missing in action

M I A, M I A! (repeat as desired)

This is one of the first complete songs I've written. It has guitar chords, but I didn't post them. Critiques would be very much appreciated.

Hey, I like this. It has a nice flow to it and you make your point.

Remember the time when we were younger?
And we got along so well as we played?
But as we grew up, I grew colder,
And when you needed me I walked away.

I actually like the last two lines very much, they give a good picture, but I'm not sure if they fit to your song, because walking away is an action and you're writing about missing in action (means doing nothing, not even walking away, if I get you right). Also they don't really fit together with the fading into the distance part in the chorus.

Otherwise I think this is quite nice.

Keep it up

Thanks for the critique!

Would the song be more consistent if I changed the "and when you needed me I walked away" to "turned away"?

Definetly! I think turning away is a very good description, because when you turn away at the sight of someone screaming for help that means you're not planning to act, but to look away and that I take it is the exact situation in your lyric. Plus it keeps these lines nice.^^

Good thinking

This is a cool song! It puts a whole new meaning to MIA!

But I don’t, no –
And that needs to change!

[quote]

I read that, and thought the phrasing was a little awkward. But I think I'm just taking it in the wrong way. Is the "no-" just an add-in, or was it meant to be "know", or...?

But I like it! It's got a nice, original ring to it.

I love the MIA! Brilliant!
You know your music, I would like that guitar chords so that I get an idea of the rythym and sound and flow you know.

But I don’t, no –
And that needs to change!

This I didn't really like. It didn't fit. the "-" is not right.

Make it something like: But I don't... (This give it a small brake, makes iy more intense.) So that... (A few ideas)
needs to go/needs to be broken/must fly away outta my life!

I’m living life, day to day without you.
Not knowing whether not you’re okay.
I know I should know how your life is,
I know I should know if your in pain.

The last two lines kinda confused me, but that's just me.
Though I think you can change the two last lines. Try to make it flow beter and have a little poetry in it,if you know what I mean You know. Cheat a little in it. Mix it with different ideas. Make it different from other music, make it a kinda new age beat. If you ever heard 'Lark' then that is what I'm talking about.

I think it was very good and looking forward to more of your work.

Not knowing whether not you’re okay.

I'm being picky here, but I think it should be whether or not you're okay.

It seems to me that you are trying a bit too much to rhyme here and there. People often seem to think its neccessary (always forget two 'c's or 's's in that) but the best lyrics I know don't often rhyme.

for example

I really should know, and I’m ashamed.
I swore to be with you when you were happy,
I swore to hold your hand if you were lamed.

The lamed seems forced to rhyme with ashamed. It seems that "if you were in pain" would work as much.
Even "if you were hurt." It doesn't have to rhyme, just make sense. Lamed makes it seem like he'd do it only for the big things. not little hurts.

this is good, I'd watch your spelling, because its a little harder to read. It brings a new meaning to M.I.A., i think it would be nice if you could put the guitar chords up here so I know the beat and rythm.; It was hard to tell what it was.

This is a beautiful poem. I really like this. It's sad, yet meaningful. I can't imagine how beautiful this would be with music. Great job!!

Very interesting,
If you post guitar chords I'll play, most certainly.

When I first saw this I thought about the millitary, but as I read it I realized that you gave it a new meaning. I really like the lyrics, but you could use a little work on making it flow. Most of it does, but there are a few spots that don't make much sense rythum* wise.

*sp Thats right, I can't spell that well.