The Number Seven; Prologue

I sat at my desk, studying. My name, Grace Winters, written in different kinds of calligraphy, all over my paper. It was as boring as watching paint dry, but Mother 'insisted' that I study for classes, even though everyone knew that I was a genius compared to anyone in my class, or in my school for that matter. School seemed too easy, but I didn't want to skip a grade because then I wouldn't be with my friends, or my favorite teachers. Plus, I wouldn't want to seem like a dork in front of all of my peers. At my school being smart was not important. It was mostly about style, how beautiful, or handsome, you are, and how rich you are. Luckily for me, I am bountiful in all of those areas. I have the looks, creativity for a cool style, and my parents are practically millionaires. All of that, and I am smart. I bet you are thinking that I have 'the life', but let me tell you one thing, I am nowhere near being perfect.

Now for me, just me, this character seems bland and unoriginal. She says she's creative, but it comes off as a monotonal way of speaking and doesn't interest me at all. She's far too self involved and you've probably sold her too quickly.

My name, Grace Winters, written in different kinds of calligraphy, all over my paper. It was as boring as watching paint dry

I like this line alot.

Plus, I wouldn't want to seem like a dork in front of all of my peers.

A genius wouldn't say "plus".

Unfortunately, I agree with P.G Barrio. It does seem bland. But, trust me, it doesn't take much to spice something up. Work on it. Don't give us all the details at once-->spread it out throughout the narrative, even if it's just a prologue, heck, especially if it's just a prologue. They're meant to draw us in, but I feel like I already know this person. Why should I read it if I already know them?

That's my advice.

It was as boring as watching paint dry, but Mother 'insisted' that I study for classes, even though everyone knew that I was a genius compared to anyone in my class, or in my school for that matter.

This sentence is very long. Break it up a bit. Maybe It was as boring as watching paint dry, but mother insisted that I study for classes. Everybody knew I was a genius though, compared to anyone in my class. Or my school.

School seemed too easy, but I didn't want to skip a grade because then I wouldn't be with my friends, or my favorite teachers. Plus, I wouldn't want to seem like a dork in front of all of my peers.

Seemed doesn't seem to be the right word here. Maybe was or is. Again, you could break down the first sentence. And dork doesn't really fit. I thought she was a genius? Why would she be a dork?

At my school being smart was not important. It was mostly about style, how beautiful, or handsome, you are, and how rich you are. Luckily for me, I am bountiful in all of those areas. I have the looks, creativity for a cool style, and my parents are practically millionaires. All of that, and I am smart. I bet you are thinking that I have 'the life', but let me tell you one thing, I am nowhere near being perfect.

Nice, it's a good ending. Someone who seems to have everything, but really doesn't. I liked the story, but I reckon you could make it better by changing some of the wording and extending it a bit more.

Your character is a little brat. Other than that, it was fine. I don't know if I can call it interesting, I mean, it's only a paragraph long. But I'd keep reading to see what the story is about, at least. So it's a fine introduction.

Yeah, Grace is a brat. A selfish, spoiled, self-centered, egotistical brat.

Nice character.

There are two big problems here:

1. You're not spacing!

Space it up. 'Tis an unappealing gravy-lump of text now. Do you like to consume lumpy gravy?

2. You're telling us and not showing us.

One of the most important things about writing -- to show and not tell. Show us that Grace is a genius. Show us that she's practically a billionaire heir. Show us how bored she is in class.


You could build at least five good-sized chapters out of the information you've given us here, and yet you have it all condensed. Like a cliff's note. Not good, not good.


And other than the fact that I hate Grace right now... might turn into something interesting. I'll keep an eye out.

For a prologue it was pretty good. For a story, it seems boring. But, I think it might turn into something good. I'll watch this.
I liked this part:
I bet you are thinking that I have 'the life', but let me tell you one thing, I am nowhere near being perfect.

You have a good style, keep on writing.

-- M.B.Author