Cheese Slicer

What makes the perfect slice of cheese?
Thick enough to get the flavor
Thin enough to melt on a slice of toasted bread
Only the Finnish cheese slicer can perform the noble deed. It's found in every Finnish home, and that is all they need.

This is a strange little poem to be honest. I think it has the potential to be a light, enjoyable, perhaps even amusing poem but at the moment it's more of a random observation. You need to expand on why the Finnish cheese slicer is the best a bit more. Perhaps it's easier to use? And what makes the others so inferior? And perhaps go into types of cheeses?

Just a few things for you to think about and I think what you have so far isn't badly written, just a little short and a little plain.

Um... Okay...


~Pol~

Ooh, just the title of this was enough to make me interested. And the poem did not disappoint!

I love the first line. It made me smile.

One thing, though. The last line seemed a bit unpoem-y, more like the tie-up sentence of a really short short story. So maybe you could break the last line into two, at the rhyme? Might help.

And, I bet you could make this longer, too. Elaborate on the cheese slice idea, perhaps? That'd be awesome, and I think there're whole worlds of cheese poetry, so far untouched by the human pen, that you could unlock.

Again, very nice.

Peace, love, chocolate.

Muffin

Heehee. This was so fresh! It's hard to say anything very helpful as it's so short, but I would suggest giving "It's found in every Finnish home" a line of its own for the sake of the layout and rhythm. And maybe a seperate line for "can perform the noble deed"...

RunningSneaks wrote:What makes the perfect slice of cheese?
Thick enough to get the flavor
Thin enough to melt on a slice of toasted bread
Only the Finnish cheese slicer can perform the noble deed. It's found in every Finnish home, and that is all they need.

I like the first couple of lines, how you start with a question, and start to explain further in the second and third lines.

The title, as well as the topic itself, drew me in, as it's just not something you would normally see a poem written about.

The last line, however, was a bit odd. Too long really, and as someone else said, more of an observation than anything else. Maybe break it up. Maybe think about whether you need to change the last line completely.

So. Concentrate on rhythm a little more, and this could be much better.

Any questions, just ask. =) You may have to PM me if you have anything urgent though, or I may not see the question.

Good luck with it!

Kay.