I. Homework for the Faerie Princess

10 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 117
Just a random thing I started writing; not sure if it's going anywhere. Tell me what you think.

I. Homework for the Faerie Princess

Bright and wide, the ocean sparkled with a scattering of sunlight. It rolled as it always had and washed gentle waves over the warm, sandy beach, its shore dappled with reeds and rocks. A short distance up the beach was a forest, its green turrets rolling on towards the other horizon, another ocean with its own sort of depth.

“What is the ocean’s name?”

Fee imagined that in the oceans dolphins laughed and played and swum, free and happy, and the kelpies that doubtless danced in the water with them, their lives a place of between, somewhere between the ground and the sky, but never trapped to either.

“Fee! What is the ocean’s name?”

The images of smiling dolphins faded and Fee looked away from the waves that, to her, were quite huge. She was sitting on an immense boulder (it was a rock about the size of an apple), and she looked up from her daydreaming to see her mentor scowling down from his perch, one of the thin petals hanging from the reed.

“I’m sorry, Sindri. I was someplace else.”

He groaned and growled and fussed with his excess of robes. “Yes, well, isn’t that something new. To imagine that Fee would be daydreaming. Now there’s something I wouldn’t expect. You must learn these things, Fee. Every fairy princess . . .”

She groaned herself and flung the mop of purple hair out of her eyes. “Yes, I know. Every faerie princess must know the names of all things. You told me, father told me, mother told me. But I don’t need to know the names! I know the feeling, I know the sounds and I know the beauty of all things. Why can’t I just enjoy them, instead of being busy learning what they’re called? They’re just made-up names, anyway.”

That threw Sindri into a fit, and she couldn’t help but giggle. If anything got under Sindri’s skin, it was irreverence to the names. He stood up quickly, in a rage, and took a step forward, then got tangled in his robes and tripped, and slipped from his petal, tumbling and falling into the sand.

“Made up?” he huffed as he struggled to climb back up to the reed and maintain a proper tone of disapproval. “How dare you use such, such, oh my, I am getting old, how dare you, this confounded beard is always getting in my . . . Fee, how dare you talk so?” He scrambled back onto the petal, now entirely disheveled and not very happy at all. “Now I will have sand in my clothes and my boots for the rest of the week, you know. Why are you so hard on me? All I do is what I’m ordered. It’s not my fault that I’m the wisest faerie in the kingdom, you know, and it’s not my fault that you won’t learn!”

“The wisest?” Fee snorted.

“Well,” he shrugged with attempted modesty. “Not everybody can be the wisest, it’s true. For that matter, nobody wants to be! It’s very tiresome! Very tiresome indeed. Especially when nobody will listen to your wisdom or learn from it, when you’ve worked so very hard to get it. I know these lessons are boring, I know it’s hard to pay attention, but could you just try, please? Just try to focus for a little while, that’s all I ask. Just a little while each day. It isn’t so hard; you’re a bright lass. Just an ounce of concentration, and a bit of listening, and you’ll be fine!”

“What?” she asked distractedly.

Sindri started to bluster again and nearly fell from his perch a second time, but scrambled and flailed to keep himself aright. She giggled, then smiled her appeasing smile into his deep frown. “I’m just kidding. Yes, I will try to listen better. I’m sorry.”

“Very good. Now, where were we? Ah, ah yes. What is the name of the ocean?”

“Hmm.” She thought for a moment. “I like to call it Ocean. From the ancient Oshius Eanius, meaning the big blue thing.”

Sindri almost laughed, then remembered to scowl. “Oh, Fee, I wish you could take one bloody thing seriously in your life!”

“I don’t,” she shrugged happily.

Sindri cleared his throat pointedly.

“Fine, fine, sheesh. I guess you traded your sense of humor for all of that wisdom. The name of the ocean, the name of the ocean . . . Yemaria, right?”

“Yes, yes, very good, Yemaria. What does this mean?”

“Uh, it means Ocean.”

“Yes – No! Fee! Be serious here! Ocean means ocean! Yemaria is the name of the ocean!”

“So why doesn’t it say that on the map?”

“Because humans make maps, and humans don’t know how to name a blasted thing. They don’t even know how to name themselves; how do you expect them to know how to name an ocean? Did you know that some humans name each other ‘Dieter,’ ‘Rainbow,’ or ‘Dwayne’?! And you’re going to trust their wisdom to name something as important as the ocean? That would be madness.”

“I guess so. Why are they so bad at naming? It doesn’t seem that hard.”

“They’re too busy reading and writing silly nonsense, and they think that an ocean is just a big bucket of water. They think that just because oceans can’t talk with words that oceans aren’t people too, which is the silliest thing I’ve ever heard, I’d say! Could you imagine not thinking a baby was a people, just because it couldn’t talk in our words? I dare say you couldn’t, now! Now, who is Yemaria?”

“The voice of the ocean,” said Fee proudly.

“Yes, that’s very good! . . . How did you know that?”

“Easily enough. Someone carved ‘Yemaria is the Voice of the Ocean’ here on this stone I’m sitting on.” Fee pointed to it, where some other faerie student must have sat on a different day. Sindri frowned.

“No cheating! I’m going to have to check these rocks before I hand out tests now. What a botheration, I say. Children these days. No respect, that’s the problem, don’t you know it?” He sighed and ran a hand over his face. “Now. Yes. Good. Yemaria is the Voice of the Ocean. What is a voice?”

“It is . . . it is the truth of things,” said Fee, her statement more of question. She stretched her gossamer wings in irritation. This stuff was so boring. She wanted to go swimming.

“Now, if that isn’t a vague statement. It is the truth of things. You know, back in my day, children liked to learn the truth of things,” lamented Sindri.

“So, I’m wrong, then?” asked Fee halfheartedly, who didn’t really care.

“Oh, no, you’re not wrong. But if you asked what a cat was and got the answer, ‘It is what it is,’ you’d have gotten the right answer, but not a very good one. The Voice is the Truth of things . . . What does that mean, Fee?”

“It means . . . Who cares what it means, that’s what I want to know? I want to swim in the ocean, Sindri. I don’t care what it truly means to swim in the ocean, I don’t care what the voice of the ocean is or what the truth of it is or any of that blather! I just want to swim in it, and love it! I don’t want to chop it up into a whole bunch of word pieces that have to be put back together again to have any meaning! I just want to swim.”

Sindri smiled and nodded, but frowned again, as he usually did. “You sound like a human. Humans don’t care about truth either. You know, if you just went about doing things because you loved to, you might end up doing some pretty awful things, my dear princess. I will let you swim today, and cancel the rest of the day’s lesson. But you have homework. Tomorrow, I want you to tell me why the water doesn’t speak. Tell me that, and maybe I’ll cancel lessons for the rest of the week. Is that a fair deal?”

The faerie princess grinned and nodded, then leapt up into the air and flapped her gossamer wings to give Sindri a big hug. He sputtered and acted out of sorts, then sent her off.

“Enough of that, enough of that! Go do your homework, and swim, you scattered daisy!”

She didn’t need to be told twice. Fee took off her green and silver dress, a big leaf sewn together by her mother, and the single, tiny jewel she wore as a mark of royalty.

“Stay out of currents and away from kelpies!” shouted Sindri, but it was too late. She had already dived into the bubbled water, a devious smirk on her little, sharp features.
Last edited by TheEccentricScribe on Thu Sep 27, 2007 4:53 am, edited 2 times in total.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1215
Reviews 378
This was very good! I was amused, intrigued and wanted to read more.

The images of smiling dolphins faded and Fee looked away from the waves that, to her, were quite huge. She was sitting on an immense boulder (it was a rock about the size of an apple), and she looked up from her daydreaming to see her mentor scowling down from his perch, one of the thin petals hanging from the reed.


This paragraph, on the whole, is a little messy. Adding the little asides about Fee's size aren't really necessary. "that, to her, were quite huge." We don't need that little 'to her.' Also, the part in parenthesis was unneeded. If you feel that you want to put her size in somewhere, make a statement of it. "Fee was a dainty blah blah blah, the size of a human thumb," or something like that. Dont' try to sneak it in in little parenthesis, which are messy, or asides, which are distracting.

Other than that, an excellent job! Please, consider posting more!

~Mademoiselle Kool
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~Albert Einstein




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6235
Reviews 2631
I think that this was very well written. Your characters are brilliant and some of your dialogue is beautiful. You have a good variety of setences, some lovely description and the piece flows really well. Your word choice if often perfect, you have a good knowledge of punctuation and basically, I think you should keep writing this.

Your presentation of our world from a faerie's point of view is good if not unique and I like how you've integrated little pieces of normality like the homework and the writing on the rock. That made me laugh.

In general, this is really well written and the only thing that might not work is the plot? I'm not sure how it will develop but I bet you have some brilliant ideas so let me know if you write anymore and keep up the good work!
Writing Gooder

~Previously KittyKatSparklesExplosion15~

The light shines brightest in the darkest places.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 117
I've been criticized for a lot of things, but never before has anyone criticized me for not describing my characters in a laundry list. "Fee was blah blah blah" is how an average writer might do it. I think saying "The waves were huge, to her," draws attention to her size in a more creative way than saying "Fee was small, and because she was small, the waves looked really big, even though they were actually small." There's two levels at work here; the reader's perspective, and the perspective of Thumbalina, as it were. I would prefer not to describe Fee in a plain way like, "Fee was blah blah blah," and would rather give leave for the reader to make inferences. I think it's more interesting. Do you agree? Perhaps I could find a way to neaten it up a bit, but I really don't think following a boring convention like laundry lists is usually the way to go. I like writers who make asides, generally, and it shows in my own writing.

I am glad that you liked the story so far, though. I dunno, I don't have much in the way of ideas yet. I'll post them if I think of something. I appreciate your comments.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1215
Reviews 378
I'm sorry if what I said came across to you in the wrong way...I didn't mean that you should write out a laundry list for your character. I feel a little mocked. :wink:

Yes, I totally agree. I wouldn't like to see you writing "Fee was a small fairy with purple hair and gossamer wings." But I stick with my statement that asides dont' work in this style of writing. In certain styles, certaintly it works. In a more casual, humorous style, for instance, the occasional aside is very effective. I just didn't think it fit in with the rest of the chapter.

Sneaking in your descriptions of characters, or even little hints of what they might possibly be like (leaving room for reader's imagination, of course) is an art that takes a lot of work to refine. Info-dumping is a huge problem, especially where describing characters are concerned. You didn't have this problem at all, which is an excellent thing. I just didn't like how you went about slipping in your little hints of description.

This could totally be a matter of opinion, or personal preference. I was just telling you what I thought.

Anyway, I agree with Heather about everything, as well...a nice story, as I said before!

~Kool 8)
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~Albert Einstein




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6235
Reviews 2631
Oh yes and just an extra little note - I think sokool is right. I love how you've done most of your description but that little aside near the beginning could have been better and I don't think it was all that necessary. The reader gets the idea that these are small creatures when you have Sindri struggling to climb back onto the petal.
Writing Gooder

~Previously KittyKatSparklesExplosion15~

The light shines brightest in the darkest places.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 117
I apologize if I came off as mocking. That wasn't my intention.

I will warn you, though, that making asides as in that paragraph is a pretty basic aspect of my writing. I take your suggestion into consideration, but if that sort of thing irks you, then you're going to be irked quite a bit, because I tend to do it quite a bit. I will consider that instance, but as it stands I like my style and don't foresee any changes in that area.

I hope that doesn't come across as impetuous or something. I just want you to know why I'm not making changes. As I tell all of my reviewers; take the fact that I'm debating your comments as a compliment rather than an insult. It means that what you've said has got me thinking.

I do think, however, that the tone here is rather casual and humorous, so I found it odd that you thought it would fit better in a 'more' casual and humorous setting. Considering my past works, this is one of the most laid back I've done since my other untitled piece, which if you read you'll find my style is very similar; there are tons of asides (even more than are in this one, by a long way).

I suppose I'm just old and set in my ways, lol. Not a good quality for a young writers forum, I realize. C'est la vie, hey?

But again, please, don't take my responses negatively. I'm honored that you took the time to comment on my work. I will do the same, when the opportunity presents itself. Take care.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 75
Great story. Only one thing eally bothers me- that very last part with the "bubbled waves". It just annoys me. bubbling, bubbly, something like that maybe. because waves isn't in the dative or accusative, and it's not the subject, the Perfect Past Participle hangs awkardly, possibly because bubble is rarely a verb.

But I love your vocab. You use "big words" just enough to make it interesting, not so much it sounds incredibly pompous. Some stories with big words just look like they were dared to have a huge quota of Latin derivatives, but yours pulls it off just fine!
me: why can we kill for Jesus and not Muhammed?
my best friend: because Jesus is white.
me: that's not fair!
her: and what is?




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 53415
Reviews 1125
I agree with the whole waves being huge thing, only to a certain extent, I just feel that you should clean the paragraph up a little, even if it means making it a little longer, there are too many clauses in there...

Overall, I really enjoyed this. It's lovely. I love faeries as a rule,I think you did this really well.

I just noticed when Sindir first says faerie you spell it fairy. You might want to switch it for consistency's sake.

I'm hoping to read more soon!
"Stella. You were in my dream the other night. And everyone called you Princess." -Lauren2010




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 22
I like the beginning of this. It's something a bit different. I agree with the rest about the waves, it's a bit of a struggling paragraph. I also agree with Stella about the consistency of 'fairy' or 'faerie' it's a good idea to keep the same spelling, otherwise people just get confused.

*lilmisswritergal*



I have lived through much, and now I think I have found what is needed for happiness. A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good... then rest, nature, books, music, love for one's neighbor - such is my idea of happiness.
— Leo Tolstoy