I'll Come

When all hope is gone, I'll come!
When your heart is in two, I'll come!
When you look for me, I'll come!
And when I look for you, I know you'll come.
You're my love.
You're my more than a friend.
You're my love...

Hold my hand.
Take me to heaven,
And don't let go.
Because i won't...

Aww, thanks, Juan. I love you.

Now time for the critique:

Edited:

When all hope is gone, I'll come!
When your heart is in two, I'll come!
When you look for me, I'll come!
And when I look for you, I know you'll come.
You're my love.
You're my more than a friend.
You're my love...

Hold my hand.
Take me to heaven,
And don't let go.
Because i won't...

I just edited it with some punctuation and grammar. You don't have to take my suggestions, but just thought I'd try to help. Although, I loved it, partially because you wrote it for me. Nice job.

Stephanie

Poems written for people are difficult for the author to be objective about. Here, we have a long list of reassurances, that the narrator will always be there presumably for his girlfriend. However, there doesn't appear to be much attempt at going beyond that sentiment, something that ultimately separates it as simply a nice gesture from something that could hold its own in the stacks of poetry.

'Melia's hit the nail dead on the head. This really is a touching gesture--but that's all it is. This isn't poetry. It's a pretty list that a girlfriend--and only a girlfriend--can really appreciate.

As far as suggestions for improvement go... honestly, I can't give you any. There's not enough to work with here.

It is good.
I liked it.

When all hope is gone, I'll come!
When your heart is in two, I'll come!
When you look for me, I'll come!
And when I look for you, I know you'll come.
You're my love.
You're my more than a friend.
You're my love...

The second last line confused me. It took me a while to firgure out what you wrote. I think you should make it 'You're more than a friend.'