Candra

well , i think there should be some editing but dont know were. please leave comments!

chandra-

a thick black ankle in the sand,
and pink splotches on your hands'
chandra was it my fault?

the way you always disagreed,
made my insides want to bleed,
chandra was it my fault?

were you just a secterian which,
i aint no fuckin catholic bicth,
chandra was it my fault?

'she will be loved' were the words,
i understood the guys were turds,
but chandra was it my fault?

should i show smypathy,
for arch enemy
CHANDRA!
yours ever

First off, either you or some helpful mod needs to add a rating to this. Then, you need to fix your grammar before the rest of the poem can be looked at. Here's a quick line by line -

[s]chandra[/s] Chandra-

[s]a[/s] A thick, black ankle in the sand, [Perhaps remove the comma you have here.]
and pink splotches on your [s]hands'[/s] hands.
[s]chandra[/s] Chandra, was it my fault?

[s]the[/s] The way you always disagreed,
made my insides want to bleed, [Perhaps a semi colon rather than a comma?]
[s]chandra[/s] Chandra, was it my fault?

[s]were[/s] Were you just a [s]secterian[/s] sectarian which [Do you mean witch?],
[s]i[/s] I aint no fucking catholic [s]bicth[/s] bitch [If you're going to swear can you at least spell it right?],
[s]chandra[/s] Chandra, was it my fault?

'[s]she[/s] She will be loved' were the words,
[s]i[/s] I understood the guys were turds,
but [s]chandra[/s] Chandra, was it my fault?

[s]should[/s] Should [s]i[/s] I show [s]smypathy[/s] sympathy,
for my arch-enemy?
CHANDRA!
yours for ever.

Okay so that's the punctuation and such fixed but the actual poem needs some work too. To be honest, I'm struggling to get any visual images at all so add some imagery and I'm a little confused as to the content of this poem. It seems to have some similarities to a rant and the colloquial language isn't too effective. I think your first line was interesting and it intrigued me but you should drop most of the rhyme and try to use stronger images.

In conclusion, I'd like to see a re-write that's clearer, makes more of a point and is as visual as it is emotional.

I liiked this.

The only major problem with this poem is the structure. Is this a letter/poem? Is it for Chandra or is it by Chandra? What do you mean by "Yours Ever"? And what is yoru reason for repeating "Chandra is it my fault?"

Mmm... You should add some image in the end. It will tie it all in beautifully.

'she will be loved' were the words,
i understood the guys were turds,
This stanza seems as if you found a rhyme and tried to add words to it. Which is bad. If you want to rhyme something, you need to first write out the lines of poetry and then add the rhymes that fit, because those two lines above are really disconnected.

Otherwise, it was good. I liked the imagery in the first stanza

PM me if you have any questions!

I share the others' concerns. What really stood out about this poem was the strong rhythm and rhyme. I could almost see it as a song or performance poem. Unfortunately, the rest of it was lacking.

Meaning/Clarity. This does indeed need more clarity; I think you paid a little too much attention to the emotional aspect of the piece and not enough to the others. Help your readers out a bit; we don't know who Chandra is (see Subject/Audience) or what made the speaker say these things.

Subject/Audience. Yeah. Who's Chandra? No, you do not have to come out and say, "Chandra is so-and-so who did such-and-such," but you should at least give your reader a better feeling for the relationship between the speaker and "Chandra".
I'm guessing that they don't get along very well, but I'd like to know perhaps why. Were they friends once? Did Chandra or the speaker do something to change that? Does the speaker want to be friends with Chandra? Is the speaker more angry or more hurt?
Also, don't forget your reader. We know this is directed at "Chandra," but you can't forget you have an audience as well.

Repetition. Like gadi, I'm a little lost on why you repeated "chandra was it my fault?" at the end of each stanza except the last. Repetition can be a useful tool for a poet, but you can't just use it willy-nilly.

Capitalization. Heather suggested proper capitalization, but I disagree. I think it's up to you, but you should really consider when and why you're capitalizing or un-capitalizing your words.

Imagery. I get almost no visual images, or any other images, for that matter, from this poem. Every piece of writing needs it. How else can your reader explore the poem without something solid to hold on to? You're not going to be able to bake a pie unless you know what a pie looks like, to put it into a bad metaphor.

Punctuation, Grammar, and Spelling. Heather already picked through it, so thank her. Next time, proofread your own piece before posting. Reviewers will only take your writing seriously as long as you do, so show us you care.

Keep working on it!
-Colleen