Unknown Story Chap. 16 part 2

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~ * * ~


Rezlel stood in the highest room of the Wizards’ Tower and gazed out onto the grassy field and onto the moonlit river, gleaming in the pale light. His arms were crossed and his face was completely emotionless.

He felt a presence near him but did not hear the door open or close, or even the sound of the stranger’s feet on the cold metal floor. He smiled slightly, now knowing who had come.

He glanced to his right and saw a long haired, very tall man standing next to him, not making even the smallest sound. “They went down the river. I believe they are going for the Selsean Mountains.” Razkoth slowly slipped away and Rezlel quietly said, “Tell him we are close.”

Rezlel felt the presence leave the room and continued to gaze out into the vast landscape. He took in a deep breath and listened to another visitor enter the room. Immediately knowing who it was he called out, “Are you ready?” Myvel stepped up to the edge of the window next to Rezlel.

“Yes.” Myvel replied simply. “You could have done better.” He continued.
“And where were you?” Rezlel snapped in response. Myvel fell silent and left the room quietly. Rezlel rubbed his forehead in frustration and said, “This is getting out of hand.” He stared out once more unto the open plains shimmering in the wind and moonlight and sighed.


*~*~*


As Knall traveled with Derez he had seen the subtle changes of summer to fall. The leaves on the edge of The Hidden Forest were once bright orange and dark green and were now becoming dried out and a sickly green color. In addition to this the temperature had changed from warm and sometimes hot to a mild cool. The coolness sometimes brought rain but only minor showers.

Knall had been practicing searching into several different items as their journey continued. Besides the stone and water he had been able to quickly manipulate such items as leaves, dirt and grass, and an even larger variety of objects that could be found while on the move.

Derez hadn’t been much help other than giving carefully chosen hints. He said he had to figure most of it out otherwise his ability would not be as controllable or powerful. This made sense for the most part but as he thought harder on it, it became more confusing as was most of what Derez had been saying lately.

Knall continually questioned Derez about their destination. He had said many times that they were close but as Knall looked down the endless rows of trees he became very doubtful.

It was a chilly fall morning and Derez had woken Knall earlier than usual. When Knall asked why he did not receive a response. As they traveled on Knall noticed there seemed to be something humongous and gray in the far off distance.

He also noticed that the trees seemed to end where the gray started. “Seems like there’s some kind of storm up ahead.” Derez smiled to this and no reply was heard. As the day went on they came closer and closer to the massive gray thing.

As they neared Knall began to notice rigid black lines running horizontally upward. As they slowly neared Knall gasped in realization. “Th-those are the Selsean Mountains?” Derez merely smiled in response and Knall looked up higher.

The bases of the mountains were dark grey and as he looked higher they became lighter grey and eventually pure white. Knall had to crane his neck just to see the tops of the massive behemoths.

At first Knall thought they were going to reach the mountains before nightfall but Derez stopped earlier than usual where there was still soft grass to lie on. Now that they were so much closer to the mountains Knall felt a strange chill coming from them.

His body went cold during the night even though he was effectively wrapped in a thick blanket. He glanced at the mountains, darkly looming over him. He suddenly wasn’t as thrilled ahs he had been during the day.
I used to rule the world, see it rise when I gave the word, now in the morning I sleep alone, sweep the streets I used to own

-Coldplay, Viva La Viva




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His body went cold during the night even though he was effectively wrapped in a thick blanket. He glanced at the mountains, darkly looming over him. He suddenly wasn’t as thrilled ahs he had been during the day.


Um...effectively? If the blanket was so effective, why is he still cold? Choose a different word, like...hmm...tightly wrapped? I don't know. But not 'efficiently.'

ahs = has

Right? Of course right.
:wink:

OKay, overall, pretty good! Not exactly exciting, but my latest Mercenary Wings isn't very exciting either...every chapter can't be stuffed full of action.

Keep it up! heh heh...trite inspirational sayings. Sorry.

Au revoir...
~Madame Kool
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~Albert Einstein




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As they traveled on Knall noticed there seemed to be something humongous and gray in the far off distance.

big or large might be a better word.

He suddenly wasn’t as thrilled ahs he had been during the day.

as

Once again, good!

-jay of green
the greenjay strikes again...




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A nice calm instalment to space out the action. Good idea. A few suggestions -

I believe they are [s]going[/s] heading for the Selsean Mountains.”

He stared out once more [s]unto[/s] onto the open plains shimmering in the wind and moonlight and sighed.

As Knall travelled with Derez he had seen the subtle changes of summer to fall.

As they travelled on Knall noticed there seemed to be something humongous and gray in the far off distance.

Derez smiled [s]to[/s] at this and no reply was heard.

As they neared Knall began to notice rigid black lines running horizontally upward. As they slowly neared [Repetition. Maybe replace with approached?] Knall gasped in realization.

Other than that, it was good. The magic lessons seem to be going well and you have some good description though I'd love for there to be more of the mountain but then, I suppose there will be when they're closer. Keep up the good work, remember to use a variety of vocabulary and so far very nice.
Writing Gooder

~Previously KittyKatSparklesExplosion15~

The light shines brightest in the darkest places.



No one achieves anything alone.
— Leslie Knope