Sestina: Royale

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 59
Royale

Ares cast cold his glance on the barren field
upon which a bloodless battle
had begun. Hoards of listless pawns
threw themselves at the opponents barrier
while a stainless knight attacked the king at the queen’s
command. A thin smile played upon Hades face, “Check.”

Ares stared blankly at the field. “Check?”
“Yes che…” White dust swept across the field
as a crucible burst through the knight’s chest. An angered queen
rushed at the bishop and loosed a piercing battle
cry. Frightened, the bishop turned and raced toward the coal barrier
and the queen, blinded with rage, pursued. The blockade of pawns

crumbled under the queen’s wrath and, as the pawns’
swirling particles blew into his face, Ares smiled, “Check”
A dark queen plowed into Hades’ ashen barrier.
“Check ma…” Ares winced as a wail rose from the field.
Red mist descended on the king as a surge of battle
frenzy took him; the king, as if enamored by the queen’s

wrath, impaled her on his scepter. Mouth agape, the queen
clawed at the scepter. The king’s hand went up and a sea of pawns
collapsed on the queen. The king, no longer possessed with battle
frenzy, ran for his castle. Ares shook his head. “Once again, check.”
A dark knight pounded across the sterile field
and launched his sword at the fleeing king. A stone barrier

fell in front of the king. Ares smiled as Hades’ stone barrier
began to crumble. Hades snorted. “Trivial” The queen
ruptured the wave of pawns and a blaring cheer rose from the field.
A fire sparked in Ares’ dead eyes; the scattered dark pawns,
as if supported by a hallowed force, drove the queen back. “Check”
Hades said with a smug grin on his face. “Wha…” Eager for battle

a young knight leap over his battle
worn queen and attacked the king. Robbed of his barrier,
the king was knocked into the dirt. “Can you say check
mate?” “Can you say no?” The revived queen
launched her scepter at the knight as the surrounding pawns
closed in on her. A thin crown clattered to the field.

Hades blanched. “Check mate” Ares said, his eyes now ablaze. The Battle
worn soldiers fell to the field as, from the scattered barrier,
the disappointed queen emerged to the cheering of her pawns.

---Ohi D.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 32885
Reviews 2058
a young knight leap over his battle
leap should be in the past tense, right?

I really loved the idea behind it; gods playing chess with peoples lives. It's something I love. But I think the way you executed it was a little bumbly. It took me a few stanzas to really understand what was going on, and the action between the king and the queen was almost comical, and not too realistic. Perhaps If you wrote out the chess game in their own stanzas, and the action in their own, you know? Otherwise, really neat.
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1395
Reviews 565
I'm no nit-picker, but the name should be "Aries." And I think this should be prose, not poetry. Of course you can disagree.
"The one thing you can't trade for your heart's desire is your heart."
Miles Vorkosigan

"You can be an author if you learn to paint pictures with words."
Brian Jacques



Doors are for people with no imagination.
— Skulduggery Pleasant