The City of Storms

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[pre]The secret spaces, in clouds with faces,
Carry seas from oceans far.
They hold on to their water, and wait for the slaughter,
As they thunder for the Evening Star.

The earth heated over, ozone broke its cover,
Revealing the anthill within.
Mother Nature chose a time, to wash away the grime,
She picked up her pitchfork with a grin.

With Poseidon stirring and Zeus murmuring,
The Storm approached the Man.
It knocked Mans door, then drilled a bore,
All hell let loose in the land.

The evening passed, and night came fast,
In its veil the Storm was triumphant.
Man on the ground, the Storm without sound,
And winds like wolves in a hunt.

Waves of fire, built up a pier,
That would leave no humans to cry.
As if the thunder itself asunder,
Had fallen from the sky.

Towers fell, ringing a death knell,
Under waves that had broken the shore
Leaves lay in ashes, under trees marked with gashes,
The smiles that they wore were no more.

The bird of man, with nothing more than,
Those beasts in the luxury class,
Winds broke its wings, killed the corporate kings,
And buried them under no grass.



With rolling seas as the floor, the eye of the storm as the door,
The foundation of the City was complete.
Now all that was needed, was for survivors to be weeded,
And crushed under death’s mighty feet.

The pillars lowered down, whirlwinds that were sown,
To hold up the high cloudy roof.
The earth was a knife, which stabbed at the life,
Already doomed by Apocalypse’s hoof.

How did this pass, to mighty man you ask?
How arrogant of you to be!
You were deaf, you were blind, the truth you could not find,
Now embrace it, the end you cannot flee!

It was by Man’s doing, that he came upon this ruin,
It’s too late to cry home to your moms.
The homes of the human, were always a bad omen,
It was dethroned by a City of Storms.[/pre]




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..........................AMAZING!!!!!!.............This peom reminds me of much of the stuff i have written, it is to me immaculate, it has depth, easily recognised apllication, reader inferences, style and form. this is..........im speechless.
I do not want the first pithy lines that pop into your head. I'm not interested in that. I want plot, real characters, sharp dialogue. Plan, dream, live your story, then write it. Novel writing is not for the impulsive. ~Kitty15




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There's a little of Kipling and Dahl in your tone, elements of Hemingway and Tolkien. A lot of visual rhyme and forced rhymes, but hey, Tolkien did that some times, just keep an eye on that one. I think a lot of the small things that are a bit rough here can be fixed by reading it allowed, in poetry, sonics are so vital, especially if you elect to use rhyme and iambic foot. If it don't come natural, you don't have to use it. There are some interesting ideas within this, some lovely phrases and images, it has moments akin to "The Lorax", over all, fine work, good concept, you do have a lot of potential.




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Tolkien rhyming: egads! I never heard such a thing, except for Tom Bombadil.
He's one of my favorite characters.

Anywho, it's a great poem.
"The one thing you can't trade for your heart's desire is your heart."
Miles Vorkosigan

"You can be an author if you learn to paint pictures with words."
Brian Jacques




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the most amazing poem ive ever read in my entire live!
brilliant! fantastic! great! monafique! picture perfect!

keep it up!
vince
"Don't look down on anyone, except if you are helping them up."




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[Applauds with enthusiasm, so much so that she falls over backwards]

Loved it to be truly honest. Definately a piece of art and I can find nothing that I could complain about.
Worship the ginger monkey :) aaand join my new group!

Oh, and enter my new contest!




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A Lovely poem! Really Really lovely. While I do agree that some of the rhyming was forced I still think this was a wonderful poem. Good imagery and description, with some lovely words =D

Most Well Done!

*hearts* Le Penguin.
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.




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Another of your best works!
I must admit its brilliant!



I send you buckets full of stars, the prettiest rainbow I've ever seen and a really adorable unicorn
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