For some reason, ‘The Straight Edge of A Razor’ flows better in my mind. That’s what I immediately read when I saw this, and what drew me in. It’s all personal preference, though. Actually, maybe ‘The Edge of A Razor,’ as you have that in your story.
Anyways, on to the review. I’ll try not to be picky about formatting, since I know it is how you wanted it, and not mistakes.
After I Read
Duuuuuuude. Freakin’ amazing. Can I give you fifty gold stars, instead of just one?
Really. Amazing dialogue. Amazing emotions. Amazing everything. LOVED it.
Your style is awesome. I swear, you’re going to be published.
Um…I think there was just one complaint. While I could tell who’s POV it was based on their actions and dialogue, I couldn’t name them. Use names a bit more, especially at the beginning, to clear this up.
Oh, yeah! Tenses. Mainly at the beginning, you kept switching, even within paragraphs. Watch that.
And quotation marks. You need 'em. Desperately.
But the weird style was pure genius.
Overall? Too amazing for words. Twenty-something pages, and I was glued to the screen the whole time. (Duuude – now I keep having to edit this, ‘cause I’m talking like your characters! Do you know how hard that is to do? And to make me say ‘duuuude?’)
PM me for anything at all, including more critiques.
~JFW1415
