The 3rd Wheel

I'm dating your best friend
But in a way I feel like I'm dating you
You're always around
We always talk
We tease each another and laugh about it
No hard feelings, I can tell
We are more social than anyboey
It gets us into trouble but i don't care
Our school motto is; Learn, make friends, have fun
Why not live by it?
I'm living the life
You are like a brother to me
I love you
When I first met you I wanted to date
Of course it was to get back at a friend
But then you introduced me to this guy I love now
Yet cheated on him
You are a very talented clarinet player
you play songs for me
Nobody can guess how I feel
I feel happy and cared for for the first time
That day whe you visited
Without your mother knowing
Then you called her and you two cried as I watched
Do you remember?
I asked you if you wanted a hug
I wanted to hug you so badly
I know I can't have you but I want you
So badly
Why don't you fulfill one of my aspirations
And hug me one time?

too simple. too easy to write. not enough...poetry. more like a random stream of thought, which can be very pretty and interesting. but this...wasn't so much. i mean, i know how you feel. i can relate and i think you are good at isolating a feeling and understanding it. but now try and make it interetsing. add some imagery etc.

anywho,

lee

If my brain isn't entertaining I don't need to know that.
I cna't add imagination in this, it's all real.
Damnit all, zhe see yun-suii!!!

This isn't like poetry, its just 'a random stream of thought' like Chanson said. It needs more emotion, it needs more imagry etc. I don't get anything out of this, its very bland. The same with: 'The Unknown' and 'For Bazoo' very bland, they need more poetic feeling.

Bull$#!^

Wow, i must have really bad taste in poetry then, i didn't mind this.

I find it really amusing when people try to tell someone their poetry is bad. Poetry can be ANYTHING, dammit. It's only wrong when you set out to do something specific (such as a Haiku or a Diamonte) and mess up with the layout, number of sylables, etc. Poetry is just like music. Someone will always love it, and someone will always think it's "not creative enough."

I agree Hunter. Most people think that poetry has to rhyme. Personaly my poems don't rhyme much. Not that i've noticed

If i try to whyme it kinda feels weird.
Hunter you are so right. Maybe they just dont' like it because I can actually GET a boyfriend and they can't! AHAHAHA

i didn't say it was wrong because i realise poetry can't be wrong, it's an art. that doesn't stop you from not enjoying it sometimes.

i never write poems that ryhme.

i just have different taste in poetry. never said your brain was uninteresting, just thought your poem was. told you what i thought, told you what i thought you should do...it's constructive criticism. it's how you improve your work.

And that is the fact that makes me seem like my personal expierences and mind are iuninteresting.... you know what, forget it, I'm hold off on poetry for a while. I take everything personally I know but now I got a headache.. this mood will pass soon...

Chanson wrote:not enough...poetry

I rest my case.

hunter - what i believe to be poetry. this isn't my idea of peotry. there are all sorts of diiferent ideas of what it is, that is how new poetry gets created.

tbr - anyway, i'm sorry if you thought it was a personal attack that isn't how i meant it all. it was a review of the poem, not the emotions in it.

i have a headache too

Aww it's ok
:gives Chanson a cookie:

Sorry i just seem to take everything personally nowadays and I always have...

This poem shows your poetic skills in a very different way.This person you love you care for so deeply.This is powerful.