The Brother

You're my older brother
But we aren't related
Too bad that we haven't met
This is somewhat my fault

You taught me many things
Although I have only met you a couple months ago
You let me know sometimes life is crappy,
Unfair and boys are slow in their heads

You sometimes worry me with your words
Of unexpressed anguish through
The bleeding of your innocent soul
The scaring of your beauty

Just know that I will be there for you
You're a good friend, and I thank you so much
My unrelated brother

---Dedicated to Hunter---

(Edited 11/16/05)

Very nice! I saw no major problems, but one minor one.

And also, I just want to say how nice it is that you dedicated the story to another forum member. Although I don't know Hunter well, I love it when people dedicate their stories to other forum members.

Anyways, well nice story. I just think you should change the first stanza a little. It sounds just a little bit rough.

Nice Job!
-Dreami

*is impossibly flattered*

Wow TBR, thanks! I really appreciate this...you have no idea.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

--Hunter

Hunter, I changed it a bit but I hope it's still a bit good, I have the feeling that my emotional standards and writing abilty have increased greatly, in which you will notice what paragraphs have been added in and such.

And if you see this again, know that I hope you're not mad I changed your poem.

-Elizabeth