Makeup is a mask

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First off--it's pretty.

Everyday they wake up and look in the mirror.
I bet they wish that they could disappear.

Actually, I don't. Thankyouverymuch.

A torture device that bends the lashes.
Pretty princesses with temper tantrum flashes.

I liked that until I saw you are a guy. Now, I protest. It does not bend the lashes, it curls them. And temper tantrum adds a couple too many syllables. Maybe that doesn't matter.

Don't talk to me with that mask on your face.
Don't hide things, I see them anyway.
You're not that tall either.

Makes you sound like a jerk. Makes me angry. But poetry is meant to impassion. Still, the condemnation in this poem is seeping through every word. It's --belittling, verging on sexist,

The last line is either genius or rubbish.

It's a really quality poem. I personally do not care for it, but I can't fault you your poetry ^_^

It might help if I knew the Japanese between the stanzas, but it all seemed rather obvious to me, like if I read it a few more times, I wouldn't get anything more out of it. As such, there is little more to comment on.

I thought it was interesting. You got to the point, and added a little twist there at the end that I didn't expect. And yes, I've never trusted that little eyelash curler. It scares the heck out of me.

I liked it. Good job.

Goldie

Take out the Japanese. If you don't speak a language, don't use it. (Fangirl* Japanese makes me twitch a little. I think every animé fan uses it at least once, but that doesn't make it okay.) I think the poem would be much more powerful without it. If you feel the need for the division that the Japanese gives you, maybe list types of make-up, or well known brands.

Now, it's interesting that you are male and writing this. It gives the poem a whole new meaning, which is fascinating. I like the whole poem, really, except for the Japanese and the last bit. I like the idea behind the last stanza, but it doesn't really do it for me.

Finally, I love this line:

Reyu wrote:Pretty princesses with temper [s]tantrum[/s] flashes.

(I'd take out "tantrum," though, because it messes with your structure a little bit.)

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*gender neutral, really!

Meep wrote:Take out the Japanese. If you don't speak a language, don't use it. (Fangirl* Japanese makes me twitch a little. I think every animé fan uses it at least once, but that doesn't make it okay.) I think the poem would be much more powerful without it. If you feel the need for the division that the Japanese gives you, maybe list types of make-up, or well known brands.

Now, it's interesting that you are male and writing this. It gives the poem a whole new meaning, which is fascinating. I like the whole poem, really, except for the Japanese and the last bit. I like the idea behind the last stanza, but it doesn't really do it for me.

Finally, I love this line:

Reyu wrote:Pretty princesses with temper [s]tantrum[/s] flashes.

(I'd take out "tantrum," though, because it messes with your structure a little bit.)

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*gender neutral, really!

I could turn the whole thing into Japanese if you want... I don't think anyone would read it though.

Then maybe I should modify that to "keep poems in one language"*? I mean, normally you'd assume your audience only speaks one language, no? If you must keep the Japanese, I'd recommend putting it in kana or kanji.

Also, what does having the Japanese in there add to your poem? It does not seem to be focusing on Japan, or Japanese culture, so having Japanese words in there seems ... bizarre, and out of place.


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*or at least to commonly known foreign words (eg: almost everyone knows bonjour, even if they don't speak French)

Hiragana all the way!

I liked this--all but the last stanza. Everything before that was actually pretty good, almost superb, but that last stanza just... sort of summed everything up. Rather than flat out saying "That mask doesn't hide you" represent that in the poem--maybe through imagery, or symbolism? Otherwise, perfect!

On the Japanese: The only person I know who speaks Japanese is Sam, you could PM her about it, I'm sure she would love it. ^_~

I really enjoyed this, especially because you are a guy. I think that too many girls plaster their faces with make-up because they feel pressure from males.

I'm not sure about the Japanese. I don't know what it says, but it kinda distracts. I think listing types of make-up like Meep said, but in English. I think that would be more effective.

Um, the last line...uh, I don't know. Sure, it's different, but I'm not sure what to make of it. I like it though, I guess...

Misty may think you sound like a jerk, but I think your tone it more like a friend trying to help another friend (or guy helping girl).

Nice job.