Vampires

It's a little adnormal. I stink at poem writing.





Vampires

We hunt

We bite

We rule the night.

We give people quite a fright.

We suck blood.

And, never leave a drop.

We fly and do not hop.

We take your life.

But, we don’t care.

We don’t even wear underwear.

Haha, the last part was funny. I mean it is good, in a comical sort of way.

I think that your tone was somewhat confused here. Until you said "We fly and do not hop", the tone was serious (for want of a better word), and then it seemed like you were trying to write a comical piece, and then this notion changed when you said "We take your life
But we don't care.",
only to return in the last line. I'd decide which approach to take, and stick with it. If you want to write this a a serious piece, I'd scrap the rhyming, as it will make it sound somewhat flippant. Good luck, and I hope that this helps.

Just to tell you, line spacing ain't a requirment in poetry, another I can tell you either brillant or dumb poems that are funny have alot of work on them. You could of made this really good if you'd spent more time on it. Rhymes ain't important in poetry, you can have a poem without rhymes my girlfriend for example doesn't rhyme in her poems. I'd recommend scrapping it.

=) sorry for harshness, just trying to help you improve.

This one was pretty funny. I liked it!
But like Jasmine said, you need to stick with one mood (I guess that's a way to put it). Good job!