How can you feel as if something is wrong? I think that this chapter's just fine. In fact, I love it, especially the discussion between Valery and Erik at the end. I do have a few pointers but where plot and characterization our concerned, it's perfect -
Seden perched silently [s]on[/s] in the tree, waiting in the dark.
He couldn't see, so he concentrated all of his hearing on his surroundings, tensing at every whisper of the breeze.
"I've hunted Nite [s]Cat's[/s] Cats since I was just a boy, but it never gets any easier. You just never know when they're going to leap out at you."
Nite [s]Cat's[/s] Cats, you have to admit, are very amazing animals. Wouldn't they be more useful if they were on your
side?" [Perhaps 'our' rather than 'your' and no need to start a new line. Probably just a typo.]
"A very well thought out sentiment, Sed," said Brad. [Have you tried reading this aloud? Lol. Perhaps 'noted' instead of 'said' or something.]
In [s]it's[/s] its light he found the path and started towards his home.
Cat nodded, taking a deep, shuddering breath. She stood up straight and when she spoke again, [s]it was a little more happily and shrilly[/s] her tone of voice was happier and a touch more shrill.
"You and Brad seem to share a similar skill with your eyes.
"Dominic, much as I'd like to be able to[s]o[/s], I can't read your mind. Please explain to me exactly what you need Erik and I to do."
I wondered why you hadn't posted in a while. Anyway, welcome back.
I didn't find any grammatical errors or anything, but I did find one thing kind of strange. The whole dialoge with Erik seems kind of against his character. He's acts sarcastic, and as far as I know that is not like Erik. You know best but from my view the dialoge seems a bit out of character.
Good job on the rest though! I liked the nite cat thing .
Ah... You're right though. There was something about this one but I couldn't quite place it... Anyway. I liked the first bit with Seden and Brad even though I thought he was suppose to be out on his mission with Keira.
I wondered why Brad's eyes glowed but if its cause of the Seer tribe you should say so, and if you said so than I feel like an idiot. *Breaths deeply* Okay, why was deLucio so reluctant to show them Annie Witcher Bubber?
If it had to do with what he was asking them to do then he shouldn't be so "ish" about it. So to speak. I aslo think the king and deLucio should be more skeptical about Annie's powers. If they're aren't many of them as Cat said why should they immediatly belieave her. Oh, and the inner conflict with Erik and Val was good.
I've rambled on far long enough.
~Pol~
I used to rule the world, see it rise when I gave the word, now in the morning I sleep alone, sweep the streets I used to own
Lol. They're the characters in sokool's novel. You'd have to read the other chapters for it to make sense and I strongly advise you to do so, they're very well written.
Yes, I'm afraid it would be very complicated to explain who the characters were if you didn't read the other seventeen chapters, which would explain it fairly well.
I'd really appreciate your comments, if you decide to read my story!
Au revoir...
~Madame Kool
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~Albert Einstein
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