Home Games All LiteraryClubs Forums Green Room Poetry Prose Roleplays

Just Doing My Job

Azila · 2007-09-02T18:44:45Z

I had this scene floating around in my head and just had to write it down. I don't usually write stuff like this, but I like the way this came out. I think I might make it a prologue or something sometime... ----- The clearing floor was covered in deep, velvety moss that echoed the majestic color of the foliage above. The spaces between the dark trees were winding passageways leading to the shadow-shrouded unknown. In the center of the dark clearing lay a young figure, her whiteness glowing against the deep forest colors of her surroundings; the white material of her gown draped from her and flowed into a pool around her like mist. Her skin was smooth and pearly white; her slender, splayed arms moonbeams on a clear, full-mooned night. Her pallid face, painfully beautiful, shone against the gleaming fan of black hair that formed a dark halo. Her eyes were shut and rimmed with raven-feather lashes and eyebrows. Her expression was one of grievous suffering that was being slowly being leeched away, soon to be replaced by the stony placidness of death. She would soon be gone and her secrets would forever be locked away from this world with a key that would be lost when her ragged breaths ceased. This thought must have passed through her weakening mind as it slipped farther and farther down the well from which there would be no return, for she managed an inward smile. All would be over. She opened one eye; an eye that was a deep, passionate blue –a dangerous blue. A blue that could entrance people, pulling them downward and drowning them in its stare. She took in her surroundings; the gallant dawn sun peeking through the dark trunks, the sinewy vines clinging to branches. Nobody would find her here... or so she thought. The eye closed and no one would ever be in danger of it again. The magic of the blue was gone, as were the warmth of the woman’s pale skin and the rise and fall of her chest. From the behind a tree, I made a mark on my clipboard. That made the day’s score to exactly four-hundred, and it was barely even light out. As I made my way away from the clearing, I thought of that eye –the deep, beautiful blue of it. No, I mustn’t get attached to my victims; there was nobody else who could do what I did. I leaped into the air and sped off on a wind that would lead me to my next victim.

aprildragon

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 4

Sun Dec 30, 2007 3:08 pm

aprildragon says... · Sun Dec 30, 2007 3:08 pm

Whoa. Great description of the lady. I really liked it until the hunter part. Now I want to kill that hunter. But what was with the blue eye? I want to read more!!

Uh oh! In the first paragraph both of your scentences started with "the".

Otherwise, great word choice. "Placidness", "ragged breaths"...very good. I also loved the metaphors you used! "...her gown draped from her and flowed into a pool around her like mist." Pure genius! Don't ruin the effect with too much metaphor, tho- "like mist" was a little bit too much. Just "around her" would be good.

"Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore."

-Andre Gide

Quote

StellaThomas

Supporter

Gender

Points 53415

Reviews 1125

Sun Dec 30, 2007 3:36 pm

StellaThomas says... · Sun Dec 30, 2007 3:36 pm

This would be brilliant as a prologue to something. Although I have to agree with other people, the clipboard...

It makes me think of Luthien, from Middle Earth...

"Stella. You were in my dream the other night. And everyone called you Princess." -Lauren2010

Quote

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
— Mark Twain

Just Doing My Job

About / Info

Forums & RPG

Literary

Resources