First Kiss (Part 1?)

Loose · 2007-09-01T04:57:25Z

ha-ha. I randomly wrote this. Inspired by the lovely weather and the song I was listening to. Love to know how dodgy it is... Part 1 They lay sprawled out on the pavement. Four children lazily drifting in and out of sleep on the warm road, all exhausted from their football game. The evening sun was slowly beginning to set, allowing the night breeze to cool the uncomfortable summer air. Hayley, the only girl involved in the game, glanced around at the three boys. The two youngest, her brother and the kid from down the road, were starting to wake up. They were hungry and bored. The eldest boy was awake too, sitting up on his knees. "Why don't you lot run into the house and grab some pizza?" He suggested to the boys. "I know it's arrived." The two sprung to their feet and ran inside. They were clearly racing each other. Hayley, still lying down, noticed her and Kyle were the only two on the road. They were alone. There were no cars on the road at all, since their street was only small, and everyone was in their homes, watching TV in front of their air conditioners. Kyle noticed this too. He crawled forward and lay down facing Hayley. "I beat you!" He mocked. Hayley rolled her eyes. "That's because you stuck me with my nerd brother. He can't play sport to save his life. Anyway," She said, wriggling a bit closer to Kyle. "I still think I could beat you in a spelling bee." "Probably," Kyle agreed. The blow flies started to buzz around them. One landed on Hayley's cheek. Kyle lifted his hand and wiped the fly away, gently. Hayley felt tingles and his finger brushed her skin. He took his hand away, but Hayley wished he hadn't. She felt so confused. She had never seen Kyle in this light before. They had grown up together, they were practically related. All of a sudden she felt a rush of emotions that she knew she couldn't suppress. Kyle felt the same way, too. He knew it felt wrong since Hayley was like a sister to him. He moved closer to Hayley and his hand found hers. Their hands clasped. Hayley felt her lips moving closer and closer to Kyle, and his moved to hers. She was scared and excited at the same time. So was he. Their lips gently touched. Hayley's heart rose into her throat. Kyle's spare hand cupped Hayley's cheek as he gently pulled her lips further into his.It was then that Hayley remembered something; this was her first kiss. And it was beautiful.

Wesley

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Mon Oct 01, 2007 7:48 pm

Wesley says... · Mon Oct 01, 2007 7:48 pm

Honestly I did't like it that much. The characters really had no time to develope and it seems they jump right to it which is sort of unrealistic and not what I saw as "love" or romantic. But besides the grammar and thaat fact the dialogue and words were realistic and had a certain flow I think this would work if it was developed correctly. I think this should be the middle last part not the beginning seeing as the title is the third paragraph. I am not into those shallow love stories anyway I think they are way to young. lol

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Izzyeyore

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Wed Mar 19, 2008 3:46 am

Izzyeyore says... · Wed Mar 19, 2008 3:46 am

Sorry! but one thing, they seem just a bit... well, young.... to be "kissing passionately"

Then again, maybe i just grew up in the wrong neighborhood :wink:

Haha just kidding, don't worry, I just couldn't resist...

My policy on life: you're wasting it by being sad and making others sad, so hug someone today!

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ashleylee

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Wed Mar 19, 2008 9:48 pm

ashleylee says... · Wed Mar 19, 2008 9:48 pm

This was really just adorable! How everything just flowed really nice and the moment leading up to them kissing was perfectly written! PM me if you write more!

"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach

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