Mosques & Synagogues

This was a school assignment. I was supposed to write a poem about the conflict between palestinians and jews.

______________________

They worship in mosques
Prayer mats unfurled
Resting on ornamental marble
Speaking to a God
Fervently,
Passionately.
Praying for a solution
Praying for their side
Winning isn't a choice
It is a necessity.

Do or Die.

They pray in synagogues
Knees bent
Heads bowed reverently
Speaking to a God
Fervently
Passionately
Praying for an opening
Praying for a compromise
Winning will mean a home
That has never been had.

Now or Never.

They needed land, a Zionist movement
After Constantinople fell –
the cradle, the bridge between the east
And the west; the railroad tracks of
The middle east –
Land was up for grabs.
Sykes, Picot, and Balfour
Decided that
Synagogues needed a place of origin,
Judaism needed a home,
The kingdom of Israel needed to be tangible.

So after years of persecution
And hate
And death
Israel found a niche among
The Palestinians in their mosques.
But not a place.
Fear spawned hate
And hate spawned hostility
And the Arabs invaded the kingdom
Of Israel.
But in their hate they only found defeat
Israel had the power of
The God they prayed to
On their side.
Religion could now be practiced freely
In the walls of their own
Synagogues.
But hate and
Death and
Fear still prevailed.

And to this day, more dying is still being
Done than doing

And never is still more often
Than now

For conflict, to this day, is still on the lips
Of those who pray
To their Gods
On Persian rugs
Or on bended knee

For Mosques will always be at war with the
Synagogues.

I like, but I don't think every line needs to start with a capital. And this is probally me being uber thick, but I don't get these paragraphs:

BlondeHelmet wrote:They needed land, a Zionist movement
After Constantinople fell –
the cradle, the bridge between the east
And the west; the railroad tracks of
The middle east –
Land was up for grabs.
Sykes, Picot, and Balfour
Decided that
Synagogues needed a place of origin,
Judaism needed a home,
The kingdom of Israel needed to be tangible.

So after years of persecution
And hate
And death
Israel found a niche among
The Palestinians in their mosques.
But not a place.
Fear spawned hate
And hate spawned hostility
And the Arabs invaded the kingdom
Of Israel.
But in their hate they only found defeat
Israel had the power of
The God they prayed to
On their side.
Religion could now be practiced freely
In the walls of their own
Synagogues.
But hate and
Death and
Fear still prevailed.

Like I said, me being uber thick and a Vogon where poetry is concerned, these bits left me a little (very much) confuzzled.

But the rest was good, and I like the contrast between the types of worship.

I really liked the first two stanzas. I liked the word choice

Fervently,
Passionately.

and the visuals of the rugs and bowed heads. The parallelism of the two religions at prayer adds strength.

The problem is that after those first stanzas, it loses that power. There's too many words, or better, inefficient words to say that the two sides are fighting. I'm sorry, but I do not like that fourth section at all. I know the story, but anyone who does know that history of this conflict will not understand.

For conflict, to this day, is still on the lips
Of those who pray
To their Gods
On Persian rugs
Or on bended knee

For Mosques will always be at war with the
Synagogues.

I think it should be "on their lips". But this is a good ending. You bring back the visuals and restate the theme.

The beginning is strong. The ending is nice. But the middle needs clarification. Happy writing to ya!

I liked it!

Suggestions: I am a Jew, and in synagogue we don't bend our knees.

I liked all the parts. Especially this one:

They needed land, a Zionist movement
After Constantinople fell –
the cradle, the bridge between the east
And the west; the railroad tracks of
The middle east –
Land was up for grabs.
Sykes, Picot, and Balfour
Decided that
Synagogues needed a place of origin,
Judaism needed a home,
The kingdom of Israel needed to be tangible

It's probably a little biased, but I liked the way you handled such a complicated idea and turned it into a simple yet underground complex paragraph.

The ending was cheesy, for an ending--it was good as a paragraph, and you should leave it, but it didn't end with a bang. You should add an image, because the second part of your poem is lacking them.

Say something like: (and this is just an example)

The battle that still surges
in the heart
of the little girl
in the red dress
who was swallowed by the pile
of gray walls,
thundering on her broken
bones.

(just scribbled it down, but think up something better)

Very good otheriwse! It gave off a feeling of historical impact, so you should make it just a bit more personal, that's it!

I love it! Brilliant word choice and you tackle this subject well!
The first two stanza were great but the poem did go on a little bit so maybe you should consider cutting it down slightly.
My favourite part was this:They worship in mosques
Prayer mats unfurled
Resting on ornamental marble
Speaking to a God
Fervently,
Passionately.
Praying for a solution
Praying for their side
Winning isn't a choice
It is a necessity.

happy writing!
Charlotte

Well, I didn't like it all. The writing is good and dandy. But the blatant bias just makes it where I can't read through it at all.

That's just my two cents