"Fake Friends" this is some true events to my past

(Chorus)

Fake friends is worst than no friends.
That's right.
Fake friends is worst than no friends.

(Verse one)

You read my shit, it's worst than it seems,
I got true friends, fuck a drug team.
I had fake friends all my past,
When the cops showed up, yall left my ass.

(Chorus)

Fake friends is worst than no friends.
That's right.
Fake friends is worst than no friends.

Fake friends is worst than no friends.
That's right.
Fake friends is worst than no friends.

(verse two)

Yall torched that house when I was still in it,
You fuckers laughed, yall is on some bullshit.
Then I had to dash,
One of you blamed me for takin all the cash.
Then I turned around, and robbed you bitches,
And yes I gave B 10 fuckin stitches.

(Chorus)
Fake friends is worst than no friends.
That's right.
Fake friends is worst than no friends.

Fake friends is worst than no friends.
That's right.
Fake friends is worst than no friends.

Fake friends is worst than no friends.
That's right.
Fake friends is worst than no friends.

Fake friends is worst than no friends.
That's right.
Fake friends is worst than no friends.

Yall torched that house when I was still in it,
You fuckers laughed, yall is on some bullshit.

This bit really reminded me of 8 Mile. Was that intentional or did it really happen to you? I liked it either way. (;

You read my shit, it's worst than it seems,
I got true friends, fuck a drug team.

I liked the rhyming but the second half of the first line doesn't quite fit, it needs a little reworking.

But anyway I thought it was fantastic. This would be a brilliant rap song and you have some great potential. It's really different from any lyrics I would write and I was thinking hell I wish I could write stuff like that (: It was great.
Well done!

Would it really kill you to say "worse"? What, pray tell, could that possibly add? Same for having a "fuck", "shit", "ass", or "bitch" every other line. I don't have a problem with swearing, but when done excessively it reeks of a limited vocabulary, whether said vocabulary is limited or not.

Not exactly the kind of stuff I usually read, but hey.

Why "worst" instead of "worse"?

The first part is interesting, it has a pretty steady rhythm and it holds together, but the second verse...

resurectedauthor5 wrote:Yall torched that house when I was still in it,
You fuckers laughed, yall is on some bullshit.

It's sort of a half-rhyme, which I don't really like. Something with a little more ring would be nice. I'm also bothered by the lack of agreement between the subject "y'all" and the verb "is" - I know it's probably for impact, but it just doesn't sit right with me.

It's a little tough for me to critique this since it isn't really the kind of thing that I'm into.. a little less repetition and some fresher vocabulary would help. I think you've got some interesting concepts here... just build on them further.

i liked it very sad and angry feelings coming trough to me. whats better is that you apparently based it on a real true ocasion which i feel is how most pieces should be wrote. i think this would sound good on guitar with another angry instrument. lol sorry if my writing is hard to understand. keep writing byex

This is kinda cool, I like how you portrayed a rather original theme of "having fake friends rather than none". To a certain degree, I actually agree with you lol.

Like others said, I think you could use a much wider variety of vocab for this piece. The repetition did kinda got old and it's a shame too. I liked the idea behind this piece a lot.

I hope that helps

it's cool. i like the way you showed your emotions, the anger and sorrow.
i agree with the previous people. you should use a wider range of vocabulary, instead of swear words every other line.
and like lynlyn said, why "worst" instead of "worse"?
i can imagine it to be a great rap song. keep it up.

Love this 1!!
Wow, how true that is!!!


You read my shit, it's worst than it seems,
I got true friends, fuck a drug team.


Love those lines, not to sure what the last section means, but this part really made me hear the lyrics rather than just reading them!!!

Really like your stuff..


Dofs....

=O nice job man.......holla at cha boy!.....keep up the good work^_^