You Don't Even Know...

Here I sit alone.
My complete undivided attention fixed upon your stage.
I have officially bestowed my heart unto you,
But you don’t even know that I think about you constantly…

This isn’t an ordinary secret crush,
I would give you everything you wanted.
Spoil you rotten the best I could,
But you don’t even know that I would give you everything I had…

Just kiss me one time.
So I don’t kill myself.
Because I don’t have one chance with you,
But you don’t even know how much I love you…

Now I see you with her…
I should’ve known you didn’t like me.
I don’t know why I even try,
But you don’t even know that you just tore my heart to fucking pieces…

Navel-gazing.

Your poem is a prime example of this--and no, it's not a good thing.

Poetry needs to have the following things among others (or at least consideration of the following things, as with good reason it's perfectly allowable to choose not to put them in): rhythm, flow, imagery, and a message. By a message, I don't mean a moral--I just mean, the general gist of what you're trying to get across.

A general rule of thumb? If the message has anything to do with you personally (how you see the world, or how she broke your heart, etc etc), you should seriously rethink.

...You should have seriously rethought. And, you know, scrapped this before you began.

It would help to consider the difference between journal poetry and serious poetry. This reads like journal poetry; I'm sure it's heartfelt, helped you through some rough times, and so on and so forth - but just because you're attached to the emotions doesn't mean the reader is going to be. Are you writing for yourself only, or are you writing for other people to read? If you're writing for yourself, that's very nice, I hope it helps you -- but those poems shouldn't be up for public consideration.

If you want to write for others to read [and this means working on your craft and learning poetry -- you can still write for yourself and 'from the heart' when you write for other people to read, but craft matters and reader response matters] then you need to read poetry. Learn from what poets have done before. Example is a wonderful teacher. And without reading poetry, how can you hope to write it?

Read this thread, then make sure to hit up the reading list in the last post.